I just finished watching the entire four seasons of the re-imagined Battlestar Galactica. I didn't watch it at all while it was airing, so my experience and investment in its characters is probably different. BUT. I *loved* the ending. It was nearly perfect, if they hadn't had the silly robot montage and the "maybe this time will be different" preachiness.
I loved Kara. I loved her ending. I've read a lot from people who watched the show in the past week, and a lot of people really hate the way she was handled in the episode - simply vanishing, without explanation as to who / what / why she was. But I like being haunted. The lack of answers is what keeps me obsessed with something. These things keep me stuck forever on the work. Answers lead to closure, and some things are better without closure, forever circling through my brain, revisiting the emotions I was feeling at the time I first experienced it.
Other hauntings of mine:
1. Many, many Haruki Murakami books - but most specifically Sputnik Sweetheart. I will never, ever be free of the Sumire disappearance or the ferris wheel.
2. Picnic at Hanging Rock (the movie) - I love the idea of places that are so wild that they consume any one trying to make some sort of order within them. Australia is full of this. I don't want to think (or know) that some actual human being caused the disappearance of those girls. The idea that they took off their Victorian-era clothing piece by piece before vanishing entirely is much more interesting.
3. Speaking in Tongues (the play) - see above, basically the same thing, reinforced by looping coincidental interactions throughout the play, which make you wonder how strong a role that guy you passed on the street this morning will have in your life later on. We don't cross paths with hundreds of people, we cross paths with a few people hundreds of times.
4. Lost, season 3 finale - I just said to Toine that I wish the series had ended there. Last shot on the island - Jack finally making that call to the freighter and getting through, followed by last shot off island, Jack screaming that they had to go back. The specifics of what took place between those two points in time aren't interesting to me. The *feeling* that's created by them is what I want to explore.
5. That one, unanswered scene in Time Traveler's Wife.
6. Poland's Scenofest exhibit at PQ 07. I walked through this exhibit over and over and over again.
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
Monday, February 2, 2009
Make me a day, make me whole again
Two things today prompted this post.
1. Recent flash mob at Whole Foods in Austin. Well actually, the comments under the youtube video prompted me more than the flash mob itself. I always get sucked in to reading comments on sites like this (imdb or aicn would be the other main ones) and it always gets me riled up. As though I had never come into contact with the vast quantity of dumb people posting stuff on the internet. I'm about to make a bunch of assumptions about one of the posters, and I just want to say, this isn't actually about that poster. It's about people and their reactions to what other people call "art." I've heard that cynicism before, that something, whatever it is, that people are calling "art" is not art - and an awful lot of the times that I hear that complaint it's coming from someone who doesn't do anything they themselves would call art. I wonder how many people spend their time and energy tearing down the strange things that people around them are doing instead of doing something creative themselves. This destructive cynicism probably comes more from a place of fear - a lack of confidence in what one can actually create. If I think of it in that way, it actually doesn't make me angry anymore.
2. Thing the second: a guy riding down Dean Keeton on a bicycle. No wait, not a normal bike - this kind of bike. As I crossed the street I passed three people who were watching him, and I heard one of them say "why would you do something like that?" I really wanted to turn to him and say, why WOULDN'T you? (Because cynical dumb people will say things about you.) (Oh and also - because I don't want to break my neck. That's the only thing that will come out of *me* riding that bike.) But seriously - why wouldn't you?
In my head this is now coming back to my courage / stupidity thing - that a lack of fear (sometimes thought of as courage) and stupidity are the same thing. They both require a lack of self-preservation instinct. If I was afraid (enough) of what would happen to me (physically, mentally, socially) I wouldn't have done most of the things that have made my life fun and interesting. On some level I do care, but I usually manage to force myself past that, at least enough to do the thing, if not enough to stop caring. I am honestly far too socially stupid to NOT do what I want to do. I don't do one thing I'm afraid of every day - I do ten or twenty. The shows I work on scare the crap out of me, the people I work with, the job I'm in training for right now, the possibilities of future travel, installations, performance, teaching, creation, relationships I need to pursue, things I have to or will eventually have to admit to myself, people I will someday lose, people I will someday become and then someday cease to be. I'm actually pretty damn grateful I'm too stupid to not do these things - any one of them makes life far more interesting than standing in a crosswalk, deriding someone else's attempt to do what probably scares them.
1. Recent flash mob at Whole Foods in Austin. Well actually, the comments under the youtube video prompted me more than the flash mob itself. I always get sucked in to reading comments on sites like this (imdb or aicn would be the other main ones) and it always gets me riled up. As though I had never come into contact with the vast quantity of dumb people posting stuff on the internet. I'm about to make a bunch of assumptions about one of the posters, and I just want to say, this isn't actually about that poster. It's about people and their reactions to what other people call "art." I've heard that cynicism before, that something, whatever it is, that people are calling "art" is not art - and an awful lot of the times that I hear that complaint it's coming from someone who doesn't do anything they themselves would call art. I wonder how many people spend their time and energy tearing down the strange things that people around them are doing instead of doing something creative themselves. This destructive cynicism probably comes more from a place of fear - a lack of confidence in what one can actually create. If I think of it in that way, it actually doesn't make me angry anymore.
2. Thing the second: a guy riding down Dean Keeton on a bicycle. No wait, not a normal bike - this kind of bike. As I crossed the street I passed three people who were watching him, and I heard one of them say "why would you do something like that?" I really wanted to turn to him and say, why WOULDN'T you? (Because cynical dumb people will say things about you.) (Oh and also - because I don't want to break my neck. That's the only thing that will come out of *me* riding that bike.) But seriously - why wouldn't you?
In my head this is now coming back to my courage / stupidity thing - that a lack of fear (sometimes thought of as courage) and stupidity are the same thing. They both require a lack of self-preservation instinct. If I was afraid (enough) of what would happen to me (physically, mentally, socially) I wouldn't have done most of the things that have made my life fun and interesting. On some level I do care, but I usually manage to force myself past that, at least enough to do the thing, if not enough to stop caring. I am honestly far too socially stupid to NOT do what I want to do. I don't do one thing I'm afraid of every day - I do ten or twenty. The shows I work on scare the crap out of me, the people I work with, the job I'm in training for right now, the possibilities of future travel, installations, performance, teaching, creation, relationships I need to pursue, things I have to or will eventually have to admit to myself, people I will someday lose, people I will someday become and then someday cease to be. I'm actually pretty damn grateful I'm too stupid to not do these things - any one of them makes life far more interesting than standing in a crosswalk, deriding someone else's attempt to do what probably scares them.
Thursday, January 1, 2009
Happy 2009!
20 things that inspired me in 2008 and 3 resolutions for 2009:
1. Synecdoche, NY. I can't even fully explain the affect this movie / experience had on me. I left the theatre sobbing, wanting to embrace life wholeheartedly, create anything that was true to myself and never look at another human being as a bit player in my own life.
2. Cloud Atlas. I've been delving an awful lot into postmodern literature in the past couple of years, and a lot of it is silly and pretentious. This one is not, it's beautiful.
3. Anne Sexton. Specifically, "Rapunzel," since it was that poem which launched "Transformations."
4. Noe Venable's song "Eurydice." Sometimes I discover songs in I-tunes that I had forgotten completely. When I found this one again this year, I listened over and over and over, trying to mentally build it into the Eurydice project.
5. Terami Hirsch's album "A Broke Machine." I didn't like it at first. It was weird and foreign and not comfortable. Thankfully, I figured out that I was wrong and now I love it. Plus, getting to meet Terami this year when she came to Austin to perform was a lot of fun.
6. The Frames' song "Fitzcarraldo." Glen Hansard is really good at ripping my heart out while he sings. This song has an epicness to it that leaves me drained afterwards.
7. The Hyde Park neighborhood with the homemade Obama signs. Everytime I drove through it, I had such an overwhelming feeling of having been part of something so tremendous. And I can find zero photographic evidence of this on the web.
8. Watchmen. I had read this a couple years ago, but this year I re-read it in light of the trailer and upcoming movie, about which I am obsessed.
9. The Nields' song "One Hundred Names." Because it was our first dance, and I remember exactly how it felt in that moment to hear this music.
10. The People of Paper. Gabriel Garcia Marquez + (Mark Z. Danielewski - lots of editing)
11. Second Life. Lots of unexplored artistic possibilities.
12. What I Loved. Life and art.
13. Keith Olbermann's Prop 8 Commentary. Because he's right, and you don't have a valid come back.
14. Jason DeCaires Taylor. Anyone whose work fits in with my drowned world / end of the world obsession is ok by me. His undersea sculptures are incredibly haunting.
15. Telemegaphone Dale. Another reason why I love Norway.
16. The Beijing Olympics opening ceremonies. How many media servers does it take to fill an Olympic stadium? And no, that small thing isn't the LED floor - the BIG thing that small thing is on is the LED floor.
17. Barack Obama. I was in the middle of the most surreal tech week ever, looking all over Austin for "big bulky flashlights that were silver or black" when it was announced that McCain had conceded. In spite of Ophelia-exhaustion on the part of everyone, the energy within the group of theatre artists that night was awesome.
18. Louis CK. Specifically because, in light of recent events, "can't I just be STUPID??"
19. Jay Long. His paintings/collages (which I saw at the Armadillo Christmas Bazaar) are amazing and one may just eventually find its way into my living room.
20. Etsy.com. I am wasting hours of my life searching for beautiful, unique hand made things to give people I love.
* * *
1. I resolve, once again, to get healthier in 2009. This year I kicked ass at this goal, then lost some momentum, but will be back on the treadmill and healthy diet in 2009.
2. I resolve, again, to continue my journey into a more frugal & voluntary simplistic way of life.
3. I resolve to get my butt moving on Omission.
1. Synecdoche, NY. I can't even fully explain the affect this movie / experience had on me. I left the theatre sobbing, wanting to embrace life wholeheartedly, create anything that was true to myself and never look at another human being as a bit player in my own life.
2. Cloud Atlas. I've been delving an awful lot into postmodern literature in the past couple of years, and a lot of it is silly and pretentious. This one is not, it's beautiful.
3. Anne Sexton. Specifically, "Rapunzel," since it was that poem which launched "Transformations."
4. Noe Venable's song "Eurydice." Sometimes I discover songs in I-tunes that I had forgotten completely. When I found this one again this year, I listened over and over and over, trying to mentally build it into the Eurydice project.
5. Terami Hirsch's album "A Broke Machine." I didn't like it at first. It was weird and foreign and not comfortable. Thankfully, I figured out that I was wrong and now I love it. Plus, getting to meet Terami this year when she came to Austin to perform was a lot of fun.
6. The Frames' song "Fitzcarraldo." Glen Hansard is really good at ripping my heart out while he sings. This song has an epicness to it that leaves me drained afterwards.
7. The Hyde Park neighborhood with the homemade Obama signs. Everytime I drove through it, I had such an overwhelming feeling of having been part of something so tremendous. And I can find zero photographic evidence of this on the web.
8. Watchmen. I had read this a couple years ago, but this year I re-read it in light of the trailer and upcoming movie, about which I am obsessed.
9. The Nields' song "One Hundred Names." Because it was our first dance, and I remember exactly how it felt in that moment to hear this music.
10. The People of Paper. Gabriel Garcia Marquez + (Mark Z. Danielewski - lots of editing)
11. Second Life. Lots of unexplored artistic possibilities.
12. What I Loved. Life and art.
13. Keith Olbermann's Prop 8 Commentary. Because he's right, and you don't have a valid come back.
14. Jason DeCaires Taylor. Anyone whose work fits in with my drowned world / end of the world obsession is ok by me. His undersea sculptures are incredibly haunting.
15. Telemegaphone Dale. Another reason why I love Norway.
16. The Beijing Olympics opening ceremonies. How many media servers does it take to fill an Olympic stadium? And no, that small thing isn't the LED floor - the BIG thing that small thing is on is the LED floor.
17. Barack Obama. I was in the middle of the most surreal tech week ever, looking all over Austin for "big bulky flashlights that were silver or black" when it was announced that McCain had conceded. In spite of Ophelia-exhaustion on the part of everyone, the energy within the group of theatre artists that night was awesome.
18. Louis CK. Specifically because, in light of recent events, "can't I just be STUPID??"
19. Jay Long. His paintings/collages (which I saw at the Armadillo Christmas Bazaar) are amazing and one may just eventually find its way into my living room.
20. Etsy.com. I am wasting hours of my life searching for beautiful, unique hand made things to give people I love.
* * *
1. I resolve, once again, to get healthier in 2009. This year I kicked ass at this goal, then lost some momentum, but will be back on the treadmill and healthy diet in 2009.
2. I resolve, again, to continue my journey into a more frugal & voluntary simplistic way of life.
3. I resolve to get my butt moving on Omission.
Saturday, December 13, 2008
Note about Regenerate
We're in the home stretch with "Regenerate." If you're in Austin on New Year's Eve, come check us out at Triangle Island just north of the 1st St. bridge. We'll be building the installation starting at 3pm and the more people that show up to add their hope and uplifting energy to the piece, the greater its chance of impact will be.
If you're not in Austin you can still participate! Head to regenerate2009.com for more information and the chance to submit your own "butterfly prayer" to us online. All prayers received through the website will also be worked into the installation, and hopefully we'll be getting them from all over the world.
Please pass word of this project on to your friends and family. Let's make this project as magical, huge, and far-reaching as it can possibly be!
If you're not in Austin you can still participate! Head to regenerate2009.com for more information and the chance to submit your own "butterfly prayer" to us online. All prayers received through the website will also be worked into the installation, and hopefully we'll be getting them from all over the world.
Please pass word of this project on to your friends and family. Let's make this project as magical, huge, and far-reaching as it can possibly be!
Thursday, November 27, 2008
101 Things I am Thankful For (in stream of consciousness order)
(This was supposed to be posted on Thanksgiving...)
1. My family and friends, especially the ones I fail to mention in the coming list.
2. Travis & another year we've been able to spend together (in this one we got married!).
3. Everybody involved in the creation of our wedding.
4. Our wedding, which kicked more ass than any wedding in history.
5. cafepress.com - for selling LOST bumper stickers
6. Glen Hansard, The Frames, and the song "Fitzcarraldo"
7. PJ Harvey's "White Chalk"
8. Discovering Noe Venable's "Eurydice"
9. The way I-tunes lets you rediscover music you forgot you ever added to your library
10. Sansa and her new-found need to sit on my lap when no one is around to accuse her of liking a person
11. David Mitchell's Cloud Atlas
12. Certain former professors who have unending senses of humor that apparently cover drunken middle of the night bachelor party phone calls
13. The fact that my friends and family listened to my request for a low-key, small bachelorette party
14. Costa Rica. So beautiful and so filled with monkeys.
15. The Alamo Drafthouse, without which I probably would never have seen "Repo! The Genetic Opera"
16. Everyone who has tipped us off on our search for a new apartment
17. My job. Seriously. My job kicks ass.
18. Ophelia - even the crazy ridiculous part - because it was one of my top five shows and theatre-experiences ever.
19. Friends who are, at least for now, interested in creating a thriving, local art scene.
20. Riding that fine line between stupidity and bravery, which allows me to try dumb things that I should be scared of but which also add adventure to my life
21. Cross my fingers, knock on wood, but feeling possibly happy for once
22. The internet and how it continues to revolutionize art and communications
23. First Night Austin
24. Twigs and branches
25. Sarah Mosher, for committing to a shared vision in Transformations & creating original work with me
26. Dr. Desimone, for a thorough ass-kicking that was sorely needed and which has also made me a better designer, artist, and person
27. Christmas with Travis in Austin - we're taking a trip home this year, but the best part is still the part we spend together here
28. All of the people out there who voted for a new day (I still can't believe we did it)
29. Hilary Clinton, for making the world that much better for women and girls
30. The Onion, for the headline (relating to Barack Obama): "Black Man Asks Nation For Change"
31. The news site that posted the headline "Man Cuts Calories, Loses Weight"
32. The color green.
33. Smoothies - for keeping my need to eat stuff in the morning healthy
34. Facebook. I don't actually know how I went this long without it
35. The always underestimated value of not having a freezing cold Thanksgiving and Christmas
36. The fact that UT gives us TWO WEEKS OFF in December!
37. David Bowie
38. The really smart people at ABC who allowed LOST to set its own end date, thereby allowing for great storytelling without bullshit
39. Second Life, for providing a playground for new ideas (now for the follow-through)
40. The intelligence to want to live debt-free
41. Travis and Will, for believing in me enough to let me have a venue for design-driven performance art
42. Terami Hirsch, for her amazingly generous contributions to Transformations
43. Everyone else involved in Transformations - thank you so much for bringing this piece to life
44. Esopus magazine. Someday soon I will be able to afford a subscription again
45. "Synechdoche, NY" - not a movie, an experience.
46. Christmas Cooke scented Yankee candles.
47. Christmas trees.
48. Relpax.
49. Books. All of them.
50. Dreaming of the bookshelves we will have in our new apartment.
51. The alphabet, for providing an order in which to put those books.
52. My job. I don't even know how to explain how cool my job is.
53. Tutto Theatre Company, Lisa, Daniel, Matt, Dustin, and Kim.
54. Being healthy.
55. Wacom tablets.
56. My grandmother.
57. The experience of getting the tattoos; the bravery / stupidity that allowed me to get them.
58. Sarah and Maura.
59. Andy Goldsworthy.
60. "Here Comes the Flood."
61. Feminism.
62. Having a savings account with actual dollars in it.
63. Indian food.
64. Double chocolate white chocolate chip cookies.
65. Birthdays. Everyone's.
66. Thanksgiving with friends and family.
67. Google widgets that count down to things like Lost season 5, Watchmen opening, or Bush's last day.
68. The fact that we are very close to Bush's last day.
69. My Palm TX.
70. Planning to travel.
71. Living in a world where the site formerly known as MightyBigTV.com can have actual commercials. Wasn't it just yesterday we were reading Mighty Big?
72. Learning programming and coding.
73. Lynn and her fantastic massages.
74. Finding a local business that will print my portfolio for less than half the price as Kinko's, and twice the quality.
75. Discovering etsy.com.
76. Living passionately.
77. Small theatres whose lights all work most of the time.
78. sparkpeople.com - better dieting through OCD.
79. Finding really old friends online.
80. "The Summer Storm Journals."
81. Working on the 13th floor of UT's tower.
82. Dreyer's French Silk ice cream.
83. Dark chocolate + Milky Way
84. Stores in the mall that don't play techno / pop / crappy versions of Christmas songs.
85. 37th Street.
86. Yoga.
87. Halasana.
88. Gift cards - they give me an excuse to buy fun things.
89. Ecology Action.
90. Henry, who is right now sitting up against my hip, my arm is around him while I type.
91. Google Analytics, for showing me that someone in Saudi Arabia read my blog last month.
92. The treadmill at our apartment complex, when it's repaired.
93. Keith Olbermann.
94. Almost being done with this list, which means I can read Connie Willis's "Passage" soon.
95. Being constantly reminded that there's a show called "The Starter Wife."
96. Loving life.
97. "Everyone is Unique" pajamas.
98. Miralax.
99. Hen of the woods mushrooms.
100. LOLcats.
101. Home.
1. My family and friends, especially the ones I fail to mention in the coming list.
2. Travis & another year we've been able to spend together (in this one we got married!).
3. Everybody involved in the creation of our wedding.
4. Our wedding, which kicked more ass than any wedding in history.
5. cafepress.com - for selling LOST bumper stickers
6. Glen Hansard, The Frames, and the song "Fitzcarraldo"
7. PJ Harvey's "White Chalk"
8. Discovering Noe Venable's "Eurydice"
9. The way I-tunes lets you rediscover music you forgot you ever added to your library
10. Sansa and her new-found need to sit on my lap when no one is around to accuse her of liking a person
11. David Mitchell's Cloud Atlas
12. Certain former professors who have unending senses of humor that apparently cover drunken middle of the night bachelor party phone calls
13. The fact that my friends and family listened to my request for a low-key, small bachelorette party
14. Costa Rica. So beautiful and so filled with monkeys.
15. The Alamo Drafthouse, without which I probably would never have seen "Repo! The Genetic Opera"
16. Everyone who has tipped us off on our search for a new apartment
17. My job. Seriously. My job kicks ass.
18. Ophelia - even the crazy ridiculous part - because it was one of my top five shows and theatre-experiences ever.
19. Friends who are, at least for now, interested in creating a thriving, local art scene.
20. Riding that fine line between stupidity and bravery, which allows me to try dumb things that I should be scared of but which also add adventure to my life
21. Cross my fingers, knock on wood, but feeling possibly happy for once
22. The internet and how it continues to revolutionize art and communications
23. First Night Austin
24. Twigs and branches
25. Sarah Mosher, for committing to a shared vision in Transformations & creating original work with me
26. Dr. Desimone, for a thorough ass-kicking that was sorely needed and which has also made me a better designer, artist, and person
27. Christmas with Travis in Austin - we're taking a trip home this year, but the best part is still the part we spend together here
28. All of the people out there who voted for a new day (I still can't believe we did it)
29. Hilary Clinton, for making the world that much better for women and girls
30. The Onion, for the headline (relating to Barack Obama): "Black Man Asks Nation For Change"
31. The news site that posted the headline "Man Cuts Calories, Loses Weight"
32. The color green.
33. Smoothies - for keeping my need to eat stuff in the morning healthy
34. Facebook. I don't actually know how I went this long without it
35. The always underestimated value of not having a freezing cold Thanksgiving and Christmas
36. The fact that UT gives us TWO WEEKS OFF in December!
37. David Bowie
38. The really smart people at ABC who allowed LOST to set its own end date, thereby allowing for great storytelling without bullshit
39. Second Life, for providing a playground for new ideas (now for the follow-through)
40. The intelligence to want to live debt-free
41. Travis and Will, for believing in me enough to let me have a venue for design-driven performance art
42. Terami Hirsch, for her amazingly generous contributions to Transformations
43. Everyone else involved in Transformations - thank you so much for bringing this piece to life
44. Esopus magazine. Someday soon I will be able to afford a subscription again
45. "Synechdoche, NY" - not a movie, an experience.
46. Christmas Cooke scented Yankee candles.
47. Christmas trees.
48. Relpax.
49. Books. All of them.
50. Dreaming of the bookshelves we will have in our new apartment.
51. The alphabet, for providing an order in which to put those books.
52. My job. I don't even know how to explain how cool my job is.
53. Tutto Theatre Company, Lisa, Daniel, Matt, Dustin, and Kim.
54. Being healthy.
55. Wacom tablets.
56. My grandmother.
57. The experience of getting the tattoos; the bravery / stupidity that allowed me to get them.
58. Sarah and Maura.
59. Andy Goldsworthy.
60. "Here Comes the Flood."
61. Feminism.
62. Having a savings account with actual dollars in it.
63. Indian food.
64. Double chocolate white chocolate chip cookies.
65. Birthdays. Everyone's.
66. Thanksgiving with friends and family.
67. Google widgets that count down to things like Lost season 5, Watchmen opening, or Bush's last day.
68. The fact that we are very close to Bush's last day.
69. My Palm TX.
70. Planning to travel.
71. Living in a world where the site formerly known as MightyBigTV.com can have actual commercials. Wasn't it just yesterday we were reading Mighty Big?
72. Learning programming and coding.
73. Lynn and her fantastic massages.
74. Finding a local business that will print my portfolio for less than half the price as Kinko's, and twice the quality.
75. Discovering etsy.com.
76. Living passionately.
77. Small theatres whose lights all work most of the time.
78. sparkpeople.com - better dieting through OCD.
79. Finding really old friends online.
80. "The Summer Storm Journals."
81. Working on the 13th floor of UT's tower.
82. Dreyer's French Silk ice cream.
83. Dark chocolate + Milky Way
84. Stores in the mall that don't play techno / pop / crappy versions of Christmas songs.
85. 37th Street.
86. Yoga.
87. Halasana.
88. Gift cards - they give me an excuse to buy fun things.
89. Ecology Action.
90. Henry, who is right now sitting up against my hip, my arm is around him while I type.
91. Google Analytics, for showing me that someone in Saudi Arabia read my blog last month.
92. The treadmill at our apartment complex, when it's repaired.
93. Keith Olbermann.
94. Almost being done with this list, which means I can read Connie Willis's "Passage" soon.
95. Being constantly reminded that there's a show called "The Starter Wife."
96. Loving life.
97. "Everyone is Unique" pajamas.
98. Miralax.
99. Hen of the woods mushrooms.
100. LOLcats.
101. Home.
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
Time flies.
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
There is a willow....
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