Where Juniper's Edges and Mine Become Blurred

That sigh of relief you heard coming from south Austin? That was me.

2012-01-24T20:18:00.002-06:00

Like most artists I work a day job. Or, at least, I did. I lost my day job in November and have been unemployed since then.

You would think, as I did, that being unemployed would lead to huge bouts of creative inspiration and productivity. After all, you suddenly have eight extra hours per day to devote to all those projects. That's not what happens.

Here is a list of what you ACTUALLY devote your time to:

Sitting on the couch.
Watching entire seasons of any TV show you can stand.
Job hunting.
Getting depressed over job hunting.
Going into therapy over job hunting.
More job hunting.
Restarting random cross stitch projects you forgot about years ago.
Playing computer games.
Getting carpal tunnel while playing Mario Kart.
Reading lots of mindless books. Romances. Porn. Fluff. Not the books that are sitting on your shelf, waiting to be read.
Reading LOTS of internet.
Wondering how long it will be before you start speaking the same language as the cats.
Watching dishes pile up on the counter.
Hating temp agencies.
Believing you could do a more effective job search if you walked out your front door and threw a handful of resumes into the street.
More job hunting.
Contemplating what chewing off your own foot feels like.
Contemplating what your foot tastes like.
Breaking the bathtub.
Making waffles.
Staring at the wall and imagining what it will look like once your head has managed to bash all the way through it.
Wondering how long it would take Travis to notice any cats added to the house.
Panicking. And panicking. And panicking. Checking your supply of xanax and wondering if it will be enough.
Breaking your websites, throwing a tantrum and deciding you'd rather pay a friend to fix them than try to do it yourself because AFTER TWELVE WEEKS OF DOING ALL OF THE ABOVE, I HAVE NO PATIENCE, NO ATTENTION SPAN TO DEVOTE TO MINOR THINGS LIKE BROKEN WEBSITES.

My brain has just had it.

Day jobs can be wonderful, freeing things, and I had no true appreciation of this until I didn't have one. Today, I got a job. Hallefreakinlujah. And almost immediately found the energy to work on "Phineas," "Messenger No. 4" and "The Orchid Flotilla." Hello, energy. Been awhile. I'm no longer wasting you on wondering if I will be employed by March. Or April. Or May.

Now I just hope that my sleep schedule will straighten itself out. I have a really messed up sleep cycle/pattern thing to begin with, in that I actually don't cycle at all and get very very little REM sleep. Lately, though, sleeping at ALL has been a nightmare (a waking one, of course). I sleep in two hour increments, tops. And once I wake up after 4am, that's it, I'm up. No amount of rest, lack of sugar, caffeine, herbal tea, sleep drugs, warm baths, disconnection from the internet helps me to sleep through the night. I am so, so tired.

Yay job! Starting Monday I will be working in the College of Natural Sciences at UT - back on campus, which was what I wanted.

New Year's Resolutions for 2012

2011-12-31T11:07:00.000-06:00

2011 has been a rough year. 2012 will kick ass. My New Year's Resolutions:

1. Meet financial goals for 2012 - I'm not going into the specifics here, but this will be my number one resolution for both 2012 and 2013, and it's pretty key in terms of moving several other things forward in my life.

2. More better self care - by the end of 2012 I would like to be able to run the Warrior Dash without dying 1/3 of the way in and also be at my goal weight. I'd like to look awesome in a bikini this summer. I want to sleep better, sleep more, when possible. I want to continue with kickboxing where I can and renew my Yoga Yoga membership once I have a job. I want to ride my bike often through the trails in the park down the street. I want to hike as much as possible.

3. Eat more vegetables - I want to discover new recipes, ways to involve veggies in my dinners without resorting to salads all the time.

4. Get out more - this year I will see an opera, see a ballet, go tubing, go camping, go hiking, see actual Austin live music, road trip to Marfa, swim at Barton Springs, shop at farmers markets, shop and eat more locally, see something at Fantastic Fest, dive head first into everything Fusebox, see more of the Alamo's original programming, appreciate everything that Austin has that I have tended to overlook in the last seven years.

5. Be more daring - pursue opportunities and experiences I want with at least the pretense of some fearlessness.

6. Read 30 books - I have a shelf full of unread books that I need to catch up on before I can buy any more!

7. Get Forest #3 and possibly Forest #4 up! Have the most creative year yet!

Thoughts on Fincher's "The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo"

2011-12-26T14:25:00.000-06:00

Last night we went to see the Fincher "The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo." Travis and I have both seen all three Swedish versions with Noomi Rapace, and I've read the books as well. We both had concerns going into the movie based on word of mouth, early press and marketing, the lead actress's appearance, and in general what on earth an American take on a female character as complex and different and unfeminine as Lisbeth Salander would look like. It's one thing to love her and identify with her on the page - do American audiences really want to be face to face with a woman whose punk/goth image doesn't cross into more traditionally sexy versions of punk and goth?

One of my major problems with our culture and Hollywood movies is the seeming requirements for any thriller or action film with a female star. We. Can. NOT. Allow a woman to just be a strong heroine. She has to be pretty (according to a commonly accepted aesthetic). She has to have a love interest. At some point she has to use sex to get something. Most of the time she has to be a victim of some sort, which usually comes with some sense of vulnerability or need to be protected. I will now happily entertain all examples you might have to the contrary that do not include either Sigourney Weaver in "Alien" or Linda Hamilton in the "Terminator" films. This is not a criticism to be leveled against any specific actress or film, but rather an observation about the bigger picture of American pop culture. Men are frequently allowed to be middle aged, single, and/or unattractive. Women rarely are.

Enter Lisbeth Salander, who is definitely not conventionally pretty. She is not trying to fit in, be popular or have boyfriends. She's done things to her physical appearance that most Americans consider unattractive. She's extremely intelligent and resourceful but hides it. She is possibly either autistic or has Aspergers (according to some interpretations). She doesn't (seem to) want friends or companionship, she doesn't (seem to) care if people like her and she (seems to) want to be left the fuck alone. She's angry and doesn't try to sublimate the anger in order to fit in. But she takes care of herself. She doesn't rely on anyone else. She doesn't give a fuck about laws. Whether you agree with her actions, she is a strong and independent character.

The first time we see Noomi Rapace full on as Lisbeth in the Swedish film her appearance of hostility force you to take several steps back. We eventually see the vulnerability she brings to the role but it's not until later in the film. The initial impression is This Girl Is Going To Kill Me.

Noomi Rapace as Lisbeth Salander in the Swedish films.

Get the point? But the marketing campaign for the Fincher version has shown a very different girl.

Rooney Mara as Lisbeth Salander in the Fincher version.

When I see these images, I don't see a woman who ties up her rapist, blackmails him and tattoos his crime on his stomach. I see a girl who needs a hug and maybe a sandwich. And, to me, that's not Lisbeth. I listened to reviews and read articles about the film as well, such as this one about the new film softening her image. And I think oh dear god, they made Lisbeth palatable for Americans. I fully expected to hate this movie and to be writing a rant right now about how David Fincher screwed up. But I think there's something more complex going on than just a reimagining of the character.

First of all, the images I posted above of Mara don't reflect the Lisbeth we see on screen. This is much, much closer:

Actual images of Rooney Mara from the film.

Look at that. When she's not totally naked with a helpless, doe-eyed sad look on her face, it's a different character. Still not as hard edged as Rapace's version, but very different from the image we were sold. This impression from the previously linked article was exactly how I originally felt:

"Rapace’s fully clothed Salander was replaced with Mara’s sexy Lisbeth – baring her cleavage for the camera, baring her ass for a tattoo, standing in front of a wintry landscape topless, straddling a bike in underwear and tights, or posing in a tutu. (All can be seen in Movies.com’s Image Gallery.) The woman fighting against objectification had become a sexual commodity to the public at large. Eventually, the marketing material changed focus, but it was too late – Salander was already made into the sex object. She had become another female ass-kicker swathed in sexy, revealing clothing, balancing tough smarts with alluring sexiness."

But. Is she "sexy?" Not in the nude shots but in the actual film? Not really, not "traditionally." And actually I feel that Rapace's Lisbeth is far more beautiful. There are still things I dislike about Mara's appearance though - lack of hair in her face, less hostility in her dress and posture. Rapace's Lisbeth hid constantly, slumped over or behind her hair, behind more makeup, trying to not draw attention. Small differences maybe, but as a designer they say completely different things about Lisbeth. One is a woman who went through horrible sexual and physical abuse and came to the conclusion that the world wasn't going to help her and so chose to withdraw as much as possible from public notice. This is widely supported in the books. Larsson's Lisbeth goes to extreme lengths to keep all details about her life private. She wants to disappear and be left alone. I don't feel that this is out of some sense of feeling less about herself, a self-confidence issue that Mara's version isn't experiencing, rather I think that it's a very likely response to the kind of violence she's been subjected to her whole life. I think that it does Lisbeth, the story, and rape and violence victims everywhere a disservice to not show that more frightened side of her. Not everyone gets to go through a rape and emerge a woman who can look most people in the eye and just doesn't give a fuck. Lisbeth is more real and more interesting when she's seen as a strong woman who at the same time battles the need to drop off the map forever.

And it's interesting to me that we are missing the point about the MARKETING being the issue here. If the Lisbeth shown in those photos with Mara is different than the actual one that Mara creates, what does that say? That we need to be enticed by sexy helpless girls in order to watch a movie? That we can't be trusted to intelligently walk into a film without prejudgements about its female lead being what we fantasize about?

Other comments from that article, and my comments on them:

"Mara’s Lisbeth is seen through a Hollywood filter. She’s sexy, tough, in-your-face, always belligerent, and childishly snarky."

Lisbeth as tough, in-your-face, and belligerent is in the book. And it's in the Swedish film.

Is she sexy? That's entirely up to an individual's opinion, but I do not believe the actual film portrayal shows as much sex as the marketing did.

Is she childishly snarky? In the book, I think so. It has been awhile since I read it, but there are definite parts where Lisbeth shows a level of immaturity.

"Instead of t-shirts about aliens and Armageddon, hers are laden with cheap, Hot Topic-esque f-bombs."

I...what? I'm assuming that the comment about aliens and Armageddon t-shirts is a reference to the Swedish film, but I don't remember seeing those clothes at all. That doesn't mean they weren't there, but I don't remember. I only remember one "f-bomb" t-shirt and didn't mind it all, and also didn't find anything she wore to be similar to what one might find at Hot Topic.

"In one moment when Lisbeth wears a disguise, Fincher has her strip down to her expensive and revealing underwear. We watch her walk around like a Hollywood bombshell from the neck down, rather than a troubled girl so uncomfortable in her skin after years of abuse that “what she saw in the mirror was a thin, tattooed girl in grotesque underwear.” The Lisbeth who saw “her skinny body as repulsive,” but still had “the same desires and sex drive as every other woman” has become the modern femme fatale."

It's in the book. And it's hinted at in the Swedish film. Yes, when she's conducting the heist at the end, she wears designer underwear. And underwear makes a huge, huge difference in how you look.

"In a pivotal moment in the book, Lisbeth says: “I’m going to take him” and runs off as Blomkvist tries “to shout to her to wait.” In Fincher’s film, she asks him for permission, and only acts with his blessing. Perhaps we can accept the changes in how Mara presents Salander. But it’s unacceptable to take a woman made into a phenomenon because of her solitary strength and particular moral compass and drive, and turn her into a romantic girl saved and guided by a man."

Ugh. Yes, the part where Mara asked for permission to kill the guy was probably the worst movie line since Jeremy Irons's "IT'S TIME TO DIE!!!" from a movie I don't want to admit to having seen. Yes, that was unacceptable. But I don't see it as part of a larger pattern with Fincher's film. It's a big misstep, but just one misstep.

In contrast, Rapace's Lisbeth flies off after Martin and actually has a chance to save him before walking away and letting him burn. She makes the conscious choice to let him die, and Blomkvist reprimands her harshly for this, saying that Martin was abused as a child and that his upbringing would have screwed anyone up. Rapace fires back that Martin had the same chances as anyone and he deserved what he got for being a rapist and serial killer. As far as I have found, this is not in the book. The Fincher version is much more faithful to Larsson's.

"The final scene of the film sledgehammers this idea home if the rest of the subtle and obvious changes to Salander do not. Both end on the same note, but it means wildly different things on the page and screen. On the page, there’s an air of miscommunication – the reader can see both side’s motivations for what arises and how it’s all a sad comedy of errors. On screen, every sexy, romantic addition makes the final moments all about villains and victimization, especially when matched with a whimsical, child-like score. Lisbeth loses her agency."

And I didn't read this at ALL in the film - I saw the same ending as the book. The Swedish film ends with Lisbeth in the Cayman Islands off on a version of her "heist" from the end. She stops by the prison, drops off the information that Blomkvist needs to clear his name, gives him a quick and awkward kiss and runs out the door. One of my favorite things about the books is the very last sentence or paragraph of "Hornet's Nest," which suggests that Lisbeth, who has been deeply hurt by Blomkvist, has decided to tentatively allow him back in her life. That moment is lessened when we don't get to see whatever miscommunicated thing caused her to feel that hurt.

Something that I've now observed about Mara vs. Rapace (I re-watched the Swedish two days ago): Rapace is clearly the better performer. She's more magnetic, she's more complex, her interpretation is far more subtle. Given some of the changes the Swedish film made, which allow Lisbeth to do things like let the guy die in the car and shout about his upbringing not being the point, I think what might be happening is that Rapace has made such an impression on audiences that we've kind of substituted the events in the book with the events in her film. Lisbeth in the Swedish film is even allowed to provide Blomkvist with the first big clue, the one about the Bible verses (she emails him seemingly out of the blue with this information because she's still spying on his computer). In Fincher's and in the book, it's Blomkvist's daughter that brings this up. Also, the Swedish film all but cuts out the Palmgren parts, which help in the book to soften and humanize Lisbeth. Instead we get a quick exchange with her mother at the end (who does not survive the book), but it doesn't really substitute for seeing Lisbeth reach out to someone who respected her and earned her trust, or watching how devastated she gets at his stroke. Rapace is given more opportunities to be a badass, fewer opportunities to appear vulnerable and she's a more commanding performer. The result could be that we're walking away thinking that the character of Lisbeth has changed because it's different than the one portrayed in the Swedish film, not because it's different than the Lisbeth in the book.

I listen to Filmspotting regularly and I know that they were among the critics who talked about the changes to the character. Where does the character of Lisbeth Salander originate? Is it in Larsson's book, or with Rapace's performance? I have no problem with critics who want to discuss a movie as a separate work of art from the book it's based on, but why then do we draw comparisons to the Swedish adaptation?

So, Fincher and Mara and everyone who loved this movie, I was wrong. I enjoyed it. It wasn't perfect, but it was faithful to the original source material

Sleep No More NYC

2011-06-19T07:57:00.004-05:00

One floor of the hotel had a bar, a creepy replica of the bar we were in when we first entered. No singing or drinks here. Hecate passed by me and stopped, and looked at me for a long time - a minute? Trust me, that's a minute that goes on forever. She then smiled, touched my neck and told me that she knew me, or recognized me, or was expecting me. Then she took me by the had and pulled me into a hall. She told me to wait where I was standing, that she had something for me, and then ducked into a room and shut the door behind her. I stood in that hallway for awhile, and I think I remembered there was a person in a black mask right next to me, so I would not have been able to follow her into that room. I didn't try to walk away, although I was pretty terrified, and wondered if the black mask person would try to stop me from leaving if I did. After awhile, Hecate came back out and took me by the hand again and led me into a small tea parlor. She removed my mask, sat me down at the table and told me a story. She looked at my palm, said a name - John? James? - and then placed a teacup on my hand. She talked about a boat at sea caught in a storm, placed a small folded boat (I think it was the same kind of origami boat that I used in a project last year), rocked my hand back and forth so as to create waves, then pushed the boat under water. She whispered something in my ear I think, something like "but we know what really happened." Then she pulled me out of the room and into a pitch black hallway. I couldn't see anything, not even her. She started laughing and pushed/pulled me back and forth while I was being sprayed with water, like being caught in a storm at sea. Then she abruptly shoved me through a door and slammed that door shut.

I usually really hate stuff like that, or more accurately I hate being an audience member forced into audience participation. But as soon as I was separated from my friends at the beginning of the evening (there is no way to really see this production while staying with your group, it's an individual experience) I made the decision that I would try anything or go with anything presented to me. The white mask I was issued at the beginning helped with this. When she was staring at me it was all I could do not to run away. The combination of that fear, the unknown, and this INTENSELY PERSONAL experience was just plain hot. Thrilling. I'm pretty sure I was turned on the whole time, as well as scared, which made for interesting reflection later. Not that I wanted sex with Hecate or anyone, but that the experience was so personal and potent that there was no other way to physically respond. Later on I bumped into Hecate again, and she walked right up to me and put her arms around me and all I could think was "oh shit, she's really going to kiss me." She did, but the mask's long "beak" prevented any contact and instead she kissed the mask.

I don't think I will try to create anything like this for a good long while. Nothing that I could do would be anything more than a derivative of this experience.

Soundtracks

2011-02-26T19:55:00.004-06:00

I'm in the middle of drafting the "Carousel" light plot right now, which means that "Chess" is playing. I have a real OCD, but I have THOUSANDS of Megan-invented OCDs as well. One is how I train my brain to work to a certain CD, artist, etc. I find certain pieces of music become associated with certain activities, and then generally just stick to that activity/music combination until it's hard-wired into my brain. For example:

DRAFTING: Can only be done listening to the Actor's Fund concert performance of "Chess." (Travis is not a fan.)

CODING: Can only be done to the Battlestar Galactica soundtrack. Yes, that means I listen to the entire soundtrack every day at work.

FOCUS: Can only be done to Ziggy Stardust.

FOREST-ING: This isn't really official, but in the 10 months I've been involved in the FORESTS-IN-STORAGE project, I've also fallen in love with Veda Hille, and have worked on the installations while listening to her music pretty much from the start.

WORKING OUT: This is a new one, we'll see if it sticks - I exercise frequently while listening to either The Gathering or a combination of The Gathering and other metal-like bands.

DRIVING: Not really specific, but usually one of the following:
- Veda Hille - either "Return to Kildeer" (a BRILLIANT album) or "This Riot Life"
- "Hadestown"
- Noe Venable, "The Summer Storm Journals" or "The World is Bound in Secret Knots"
- Poe, "Haunted" (possibly my favorite album ever, with the Noe and Veda Hille and also Terami Hirsch competing).

OK, back to drafting!

My Favorite Muffin Recipe

2010-11-25T14:38:00.002-06:00

You're getting this post because I wanted to share with the internet a recipe I've been using since I was 13. These muffins were the very first thing I ever learned to cook in 7th grade Home Economics. I don't know that there has been a single Thanksgiving since where I didn't bake them - either with my family growing up, the San Francisco gang that would have Christmas together, or with Travis and our Austin friends. Very simple. Just about perfect.

Pumpkin Muffins

Ingredients

1 egg
1/2 cup milk
1/2 cup mashed pumpkin (I use pie filling)
4 tbsp melted butter
1 1/2 cup flour
1/2 cup sugar
2 tsp baking powder
1/2 tsp salt
1/2 tsp cinnamon
1/2 tsp nutmeg

Directions

Preheat oven to 400 degrees. Beat egg, mix with milk, pumpkin, and butter. Mix dry ingredients separately, then add the wet ingredients. Drop batter into muffin cups by the 1/4-cup full. Bake in muffin pan for 18-20 minutes.

(I actually double this recipe every year, so I can't really say how many muffins this makes but doubling it will get you at least 12 muffins, definitely more but right now I'm not sure how much more. Also, when putting them in the oven I sprinkle turbinado sugar on top. Serve with soft butter, I prefer salted butter for this.)

Selkie: Process

2010-11-21T20:29:00.003-06:00

It's been over two weeks since DVT's latest incarnation of the Selkie opera performed in Houston and I'm just now sitting down to write about the experience. This project started last January with an installation/opera piece at the Creative Research Lab in Austin. Between January and November it grew significantly into a wholly original piece of work created by several amazing artists.

I arrived in Houston on Friday, October 29 with my giant iMac, brought to facilitate creating and editing of video material used in the production. In just the week that I was there, the amount of video content in the show almost doubled and then was cut down to less than what we had thought it would be. I was reminded of a professor telling a class that I was in that design was in large part about how often you are willing to redo something - definitely true of our work on this production. Originally I had planned on using two projectors, one on the set/installation pieces created by David Brown and another on the gorgeous wood plank wall in Obsidian Arts Space. As we moved forward, we actually added a third projector creating a keystoned image on the floor. Three projectors. There's a picture of me out there running the light board and three laptops - I look...busy. Once we saw all the projections and David's set, we discussed how much video was actually needed for this piece and eventually cut the floor and back wall projectors, and decided to use the one on the set to add in water textures. This was definitely the right call - the music, costumes and set were all so rich and beautiful that we risked overwhelming them by using too much video.

On Saturday the 30th I caught my first glimpse of the set designed and created by David Brown - three gorgeous columns wrapped in plastic wrap. They reflected light and video beautifully. My friend from grad school, Sarah Mosher, came down from Seattle to design costumes for us. I love working with Sarah and was so happy to have her in this collaboration. She added to the lushness of the piece with gorgeous sea-colored costumes. My days in Houston were filled with video work at Misha and Dave's house and working on the lighting design at Obsidian. Elliot Cole's music was stunning. When we were in rehearsal it was honestly difficult to concentrate on the pieces of the production I was responsible for - the music grabbed my attention and carried me through the one hour opera, and before I knew it we were at the end of rehearsal. Chills.

Monday the 1st - I was at tech in the evening when I got a text message from Travis - I had won an award back in Austin and he was getting up to accept it for me. I honestly wasn't expecting this at all so when I got the text, I of course dropped my phone, had to dig around in the dark to find it. (If you're not aware of my ridiculous need to drop things and trip over other things, it's just seriously bad. Not in a lame Bella Swan kind of way. Just bad, and clumsy, and ridiculous.)

Later I learned that Travis, in his acceptance speech, thanked the right people and then thanked the cats. Then, he thanked Kara Thrace. And THEN thanked David Bowie. If I'm ever in another position where I have to give a speech like that, I"ll just let him do it.

Because Misha is in the opera as well as directing it, she has video to watch from all of our rehearsals. I get any work notes from her the next day while she's poring over the previous night's footage and then take care of them prior to the evening's tech.

Travis and Chris came out to Houston to see the second performance.

I've worked on new work before, created something from the ground up. This time I was left with a very different feeling, pride in what we had done (or begun, since we are still continuing Selkiing), feeling like I was an integral part of this new piece being born.

Next up for me: Returning to the FOREST - aiming to have the second Forest open by December 1. Also, Carousel.

SL Wanderings.

2010-06-30T12:58:00.006-05:00

I now own two pieces of land in SL, one of which is my house, and I've been geeking out on buying furniture for it. The other is the parcel I bought last year to use as a studio / sandbox / playground for all things Eurydice-related. I'm having fun with this again. And I'm a huge nerd.

And also - I've recently started following the SL artist Bryn Oh. Check out some of her work:

The Word for World is Forest.

2010-06-30T12:35:00.004-05:00

Tonight I will be destroying (striking? taking down?) our first Forest. I'm actually feeling sad and mournful about it, which I think is part of the point, dealing with loss and destroying in a couple of hours what it took a month to create. I think that we had roughly 10-12 visits (and most visits included a second person) and the feedback we got from the project was so good.

It also constantly amazed me that people talked about their Forest visit like they were remembering childhood. I'm so grateful to have helped create something that inspired people to just play. The process of creating it was like play for me, too. Outside of this project I was dealing with stress, but it all went away when I was there and could lose myself in the world we were creating. That's not a feeling that I get with every project I take on.

Forest #2 is still looking for a home, after which the whole process will start again. If you know of any storage places in Austin willing to donate a climate-controlled space for a couple of months, let me know. Katie is busy saving pelicans affected by the oil spill but will be returning soon to Austin for a little bit. I'm trying to imagine driving a pelican to the vet. I'm trying not to read anything else about what's going on, because even typing that one sentence out made me tear up. Dear World. Deal with reality, or reality will deal with you. Love Megan.

If you do nothing, it means nothing, and all those wild, wild feelings go to waste.

2010-06-19T18:46:00.002-05:00

FORESTS-IN-STORAGE update:

Katie is away until the beginning of July so I'm continuing to work on this project in her absence. I went out this afternoon to talk to several storage places in Austin and to hopefully nail down space for our second Forest. At one place I met with a guy who was really, really excited about the project and who is an artist himself - at another place, I got the response "now I've heard everything."

One thing I noticed while talking to both places is that they very much want to know WHAT you're storing. It's one of the first things (if not THE first thing) they asked. Renting storage space is apparently not like having a Swiss bank account or a safety deposit box. At least next time I'll be prepared to answer that question!

Both places I went to turned out to be nationwide chains. I don't know enough about storage spaces to know that "Public Storage" is not local. Both places have a lot of regulations and people to talk to before they can say that our project is ok (and I have a feeling the second place will just tell me no in a day or two). We totally understand their rules. However. I have to wonder about locally owned businesses - I might have better luck tomorrow if I narrow my search down more to people who might be more flexible or have a greater understanding of the arts community in Austin.

Off to a Machinal post-mortem picnic. I'm getting re-immersed in Second Life, too, and researching and brainstorming about our second Selkie production in Houston this November.

And other things...

2010-06-13T21:41:00.003-05:00

Since graduating with my MFA I've been working as a designer as steadily as someone with a full time "day job" can be. For a couple of reasons I have decided to NOT be teching any shows this summer - I still have projects lined up for the fall, so I'm still working, just not for any show that opens prior to September.

One of the reasons I want to do this is I want to give myself the chance to this summer to focus on a couple of projects that really feed my soul. I'm tempted to say I might not be able to take on ANY more work in 2010, but I know of a couple of projects I would jump on if I'm approached.

For the past couple of months I've been collaborating with Katie Pearl on a project that is an offshoot of a piece she's working on for next year with Lisa D'Amour. That piece is called How To Build A Forest; our project is FORESTS-IN-STORAGE. We're in the process of creating a series of installations around Austin (and outside of Austin, perhaps?) based on the idea of a time when forests need to be kept in storage, and created out of materials on hand and perhaps memory. We've got our first Forest open and have had some awesome feedback on it, and we're in the beginning stages of our second Forest (which involves finding a space for it first - if you have any suggestions of really awesome locally-managed climate-controlled storage units, let me know...I'm betting that "locally-managed" might be friendlier to artists trying to build a forest in their space). This project has been so good to me, and going to work on the Forest has often times felt like therapy. It's the second time this year I've wondered why more theatre designers don't start with a month of just sitting in the space and imagining what could be (please don't respond with telling me WHY we don't do that, I know why we don't do that, I'm just living in a fantasy for the few minutes that I think it would be an awesome way to start a design). We would go there whenever, work separately or together, try things, taken them down, try other things. It was relaxing. It was entirely without pressure or stress.

The website (and central source of information) for the project is http://www.forestsinstorage.com/.

My Top Five Favorite LOST Memories

2010-05-22T19:36:00.002-05:00

Tomorrow, LOST is all over. I'm so happy it's ending on its own terms - best decision they ever made - but I'm not ready to let go!! Here are the ways I will remember LOST:

1. At the end of season 1, I was working for Cincinnati Opera and staying in company-rented apartments. The week before the finale my television broke. I had to explain just how important it was to the company manager that my TV be replaced BY THAT CERTAIN NIGHT. And it was, and all was well. The last few minutes of season 1 were TERRIFYING. When the light came on on the others' boat, it was so bizarre, something that didn't belong in the show at all, a good sign they had done their jobs. I didn't see Walt's kidnapping coming at all - I don't know if others did, I remember everyone was so obsessed with the hatch and of course, we didn't see what was in the hatch. I was completely satisfied by the way that light on the others' boat frightened me.

2. I was in grad school through the first three seasons. I frequently had other grad students over to watch LOST each week. One of our professors one Wednesday heard us making plans and said, "If you have time to watch LOST, I'm not doing my job." We would have made time to watch LOST regardless of the work load.

3. My 1995 white Toyota has the following bumper stickers: "Not Penny's Boat," a Lookinglass station sign, "Who are we to argue with Taller Ghost Walt?" "see you in another life," and one that is the hieroglyphs we see when the counter runs out. That one is actually due to be replaced, it's almost totally faded. I think I wanted to be known as the girl who had the LOST car. I don't think I took it far enough though.

4. That Facebook thread that grew out of tagging with my friends' names a promo picture for season 6 that had all the current characters in it. 111 comments later I don't think any of us got anything productive done that day. Maybe I'll dig that up and take some screenshots of it.

5. Best LOST memory ever: Travis's vows at our wedding, when he said "I want to be your constant." Also, the audience reaction. Awesome.

Fusebox.

2010-04-27T21:24:00.002-05:00

Right now the Fusebox Festival is going on here in Austin, one of my absolute favorite things about this town. Sunday night I saw a performance called Everytime I See Your Picture I Cry, by Daniel Barrow. Barrow sat with an overhead projector and a microphone, reading the entire story out loud while shifting and layering transparancies on an overhead projector so that they appeared animated. My jaw dropped the moment he started and I'm pretty sure it stayed that way the whole time. Stunning, stunning, stunning, and easily one of the best pieces of theatre I've ever seen. I am now trolling craigslist for overhead projectors and trying to convince Misha that we can totally use manual overhead projector animation on a project sometime soon.

This weekend I'll be seeing Cloud Eye Control's Under Polaris and every installation anyone will let me in to see for free.

Turn and face the strange

2010-04-01T12:35:00.003-05:00

Projects currently in the works:

1. A short performance piece called 20 Years , developed with the ACTLab at UT Austin.

2. A month-long internet-based performance, also developed with the ACTLab, and more information will come as soon as I create it.

3. A mini-collaboration with Katie Pearl as she explores the beginnings of her new project, How to Build a Forest.

4. Designing lights for Machinal with Paper Chairs.

5. Continuation of the Selkie collaboration in Houston later in 2010.

6. Small beginnings of work on Eurydice, and later this year a MAP Grant proposal for future development of that project.

7. Getting to a financial position wherein I can drag Travis up and down the Norwegian coast for two weeks.

Word Cloud.

2010-03-04T13:31:00.002-06:00

I love this because it really encompasses what my life is about right now. Poetic and beautiful despite being randomly generated by a web app.

Sweet Bunny Lovin'

2010-02-28T01:50:00.005-06:00

A couple of reviews of A Brief Narrative of an Extraordinary Birth of Rabbits:

Austin Theater Examiner: A Brief Narrative of An Extraordinary Birth of Rabbits: Bizarre but hilarious fun by the top in town

Now Playing Austin: Full A-Team Review: A Brief Narrative of an Extraordinary Birth of Rabbits

Space between

2010-02-26T16:22:00.003-06:00

I'm back in the ACTLab this semester, using my staff education benefit to enroll in the "Death" class. I was in "Dream & Delirium" back in spring of 2007 as a graduate student, this is only my second time there but three years have passed...that's kind of unbelievable.

The ACTLab is a 3 hour class meeting once a week whose discussions revolve around a chosen topic (this topic is death, if you hadn't figured that out). Three times during the semester we are to bring in projects related somehow to that topic. That's basically all the instruction we're given, other than no flame throwers, no epic poetry, and no jumping from one moving train to another. A project can be anything - a piece of art, performance, code, activity...I don't know. Anything. My cat could probably be a project if I could find a compelling reason for it.

We just wrapped up our first projects last week and I chose to use mine to begin some concept work on Eurydice. I think Eurydice is a triptych. First stab at the second part can be seen here.

In other cat related news, this is Asha, the newest member of our family:

Just gonna get my feet wet until I drown...

2010-01-26T18:00:00.000-06:00

From a post I started writing on 1/16/2010:
"The Selkie Project has been a really organic creative process. Misha shares my lack of concern over not quite knowing what I'm doing, allowing work to exist and breathe and spontaneously become whatever it needs to be in that moment. The intention with The Selkie Project is to experiment on creating a longer operatic piece. We're starting this month with the hybrid installation-performance piece at the Creative Research Lab in Austin, and planning to move onto the next step of the project this spring in Houston. It's a really interesting way to begin creating a theatrical piece. We're creating an environment for something to happen in. The environment itself has evolved and morphed more than once in the past few weeks. We began last weekend by just sitting in the space and imagining what could happen there. I'm trying to imagine what the design process for a more traditional play would look like if we began by sitting in the empty theatre for a couple of hours. By the end of last weekend we had settled on this idea of stenciling the words Misha wrote for the piece in very pale sand and sea colors on the walls. We then quickly learned that stencils of that many words and lines of poetry would cost more than my rent. We moved onto trying to project the text onto the wall and then painting over the words, keeping as close to the font as possible. That idea flew out the window when we discovered that the images of the text weren't of a high enough quality to be that exact. We could either wait to get better images, or we could move on to plan C. Using the projections as a guide, Misha lightly and quickly painted the words onto the wall as if scrawling a letter. The end result was walls that looked like love letters written to a missing lover, stuffed into a bottle and floated on the sea for months - pale, watery, full of longing. It's amazing how even the most spontaneous and unplanned decisions can ring so perfectly true to the "story" you thought you were telling in the first place."

That sentiment pretty much carried throughout the rest of the process. We had ideas and preconceived notions of what would work, only to find in the actual specific SITE they didn't. The choices that ended up in our final performance this past Saturday night were those that were made instinctively; things that we had tried to PLAN weren't as successful. If you want a ball to bounce you gotta let it go, just let it go. Embrace whatever the present moment is telling you to create, and let go of the idea you've been clinging to for two weeks.

The performance at the opening reception went well and was VERY well attended, and we walked away from the experience with a TON of things we didn't know before about our project and how to take it to the next level.

The Selkie Project - in the news

2010-01-21T10:52:00.002-06:00

I have an entry on process for this project, I swear I do because it's really been a fascinating process, but I haven't found the time to finish it yet. BUT. Misha Penton & I have been hard at work on our upcoming installation / performance hybrid piece, which opens Saturday at the Creative Research Lab in Austin. We've made it into both Houston and Austin papers, write-ups below:

Houston Examiner: Houston's Divergence Vocal Theater launches The Selkie Project in Austin

Austin Chronicle: "Selkie Project:" Comfortable in their Skins

Top Eleven Sources of Inspiration in 2009 and Resolutions for 2010.

2009-12-29T15:38:00.007-06:00

Top Eleven Sources of Inspiration in 2009 and Resolutions for 2010.

1. "Ghostwritten," by David Mitchell.

2009 was not a reading-intensive year for me, I think I made it through just over a dozen books (compared to the over 40 books I read in 2008). This one book, however, has stuck with me. I loved Mitchell's "Cloud Atlas," and while this one isn't the piece of epic literature that "Cloud Atlas" is, it's haunting (and we know I like being haunted). I've only read it once, and it needs a second reading at the very least (as does "Cloud Atlas"), and its post-apocalyptic nature isn't apparent until the very end of the book but that's part of why the ending has so much impact.

On the subject of post-apocalyptic fiction, I'm stuck on it lately.

2. Leslie Jarmon, aka Bluewave Ogee.

Leslie knew how to make Second Life real, fun, accessible and useful for educators and artists. She was so inspirational in getting me to move forward (albeit very slowly) with Eurydice; in 2010 I resolve to apply for funding for this project and get it off the ground.

3. Dionysus in 69, re-created by the Rude Mechanicals.

I wasn't going to see this show. As much as I love the use of audience involvement and blurring the lines between audience and performer in theatre, it terrifies me. D69 was actually as safe an experience as it could have been, and watching the audience become a part of the show, being a part of that energy and excitement, was intoxicating.

4. Battlestar Galactica.

I have now watched BSG from beginning to end four times. I still don't really have the ability to explain its beauty, even and especially the last episode, which I can't watch without sobbing. What an awesome and powerful and truthful work of art that show was.

5. Sleep No More, produced by American Repertory Theatre.

I didn't see it, though I thought about getting on a plane to go see it. I read about it, and the concept is fascinating. Now all I can think about is the desire to stage a play or opera in a building, the whole building, allowing the audience to experience it as they walk through the rooms where different "scenes" are happening, sometimes simultaneously, sometimes metaphorically, sometimes synchronously.

6. "Anathem," by Neal Stephenson.

There seems to be an interest in quantum mechanics in art right now. This book doesn't warn you in advance, but slowly begins pulling reality out from under you as its main character begins to experience all possible timelines branching off from one event near the end. Which brings me to...

7. Terrible Things process blog, Katie Pearl and Lisa D'Amour.

Another piece of theatre produced somewhere else that I didn't see! But reading their process, their ideas in this blog was amazing. I've been using another application for online collaboration which I will get to, but this blog was a great example of how to allow the collaborative process to affect the finished product.

8. Google Wave.

I love Google Wave. I'm in the process of using it to work on a piece with Misha and DVT that will begin in January as an installation and work its way to an opera piece in the spring. It's not something I can run on my home computer yet - right now this laptop is having difficulty with this blog post so I'm not trying anything fancier - but having this giant white board to write ideas on, post photos to, etc. has just been FUN and has made the collaborative process more fun.

9. Misha Penton and Divergence Vocal Theater.

I contacted Misha early in 2009 after checking out DVT's website, and meeting her might have been the best part of the year. I love our collaborative relationship and hope it continues to grow in 2010!

10. Josh Meyer, Matt Hislope, and Rubber Repertory.

Lowell Bartholomee passed a long my name to these two when they needed an LD for Mister Z Loves Company back in April. Mister Z turned out to be one of the most positive theatre experiences I've ever had, and I look forward to more collaborations and friendship with Josh and Matt in the future. And they remind me a lot of...

11. Cupola Bobber.

Saw their production Way Out West, The Sea Whispered To Me at 2009's Fusebox Festival. I think it's probably the best theatre I saw all year, something I watched with an honest to god sense of wonder. If you live in Chicago, please check these guys out.

New Year's Improvised Off-The-Cuff Resolutions...

I resolve to be a better person - more patient, less reactive, healthier both physically and mentally, more supportive of those I love in my life and less concerned with those I don't.

I resolve to blah blah blah financial responsibility (for all values of "blah blah blah" that equal "do smart things and don't do stupid things").

I resolve to respect myself as an artist and designer - I will continue to seek out positive and fulfilling collaborative relationships, pursue solo projects, and learn how to better handle the more frustrating aspects of what I do. I will work towards producing Eurydice and also applying for the NEA/TCG Grant for Young Designers in 2011, always with the intention of moving forward with my artistic career and pursuing work outside of Austin or outside the boundaries of what I'm used to working on.

Now, to get some work done on the two projects I have coming up within the next month - The Selkie Project: Gestation with Misha Penton and DVT, and A Brief Narrative of an Extraordinary Birth of Rabbits with Salvage Vanguard Theatre.

Bittersweet

2009-12-14T13:54:00.005-06:00

This has been a difficult fall - not only did we lose Henry, but I lost two women in my life who have had a positive effect on me and on my work.

One was my grandmother who gave me an incredible gift a few years ago when she dug out tons of family photos, her family back in England, her parents, her aunts, her grandparents, and told stories about them all. I love those photos and hope at some point to really research my family. She was also one of the to-be-participants in "Omission," which is a lesson on not putting things like recording your grandmother telling her life story off until a more convenient time.

The other was Leslie Jarmon, who worked three floors below me in the tower and who I was just beginning to know and connect with on the "Eurydice" project. Apart from crossing paths with her frequently in the tower elevator, I met with her maybe three times, but her energy and love for Second Life was hugely inspirational for the project. Again, should've gotten to know her better, and sooner.

Good news: Misha Penton, Divergence Vocal Theater and I have been invited to create an installation/performance piece with the Creative Research Lab at UT Austin. We'll be creating this work in their space from the end of December through mid January, and the opening night of the exhibit will be January 23. We hope to feature a main chunk of the performance aspect that night, but even if you can only stop in to check it out at a time when we aren't there, the installation will also stand on its own outside the performance aspect. We're developing an opera piece based in Selkie mythology and the installation will be step in that process. The opera will premiere in spring 2010.

The Loss of Henry

2009-11-29T12:02:00.007-06:00

On Wednesday, the day before Thanksgiving, our 13 year old pain in the ass cat Henry died. He'd had cancer, and it got bad pretty quickly. We had him for three years, and he was well-loved by our friends as well as by us because he was so obnoxiously outgoing. If he wanted you to pet him, dammit you would pet him if he had to stand there and rub himself against your hand. He was also a great paperweight, doorstop, and world-champion at sitting.

In 2008 Henry became a fervent supporter of Barack Obama:

Henry firmly believed that black cats everywhere should be able to aspire to the presidency.

As evidenced by my previous entry, Henry loved to sit on random things. He was VERY adept at figuring out just what piece of paper was the most important thing you were working on at any giving moment. This is Henry sitting on the in-progress script for "Intermission" from 2007:

Just a couple of weeks before we lost him this video, called "Henry Drinks a Glass of Milk," made its way onto youtube. He was already losing a ton of weight but still very eager to have human food:

This video became popular enough to inspire fan art:

Our Christmas tree will have a little more water in it this year since Henry isn't here to drink it. He will be missed. A lot.

Light Plots Henry Has Sat Upon

2009-11-17T16:36:00.004-06:00

Henry on "Holes:"

Henry on my thesis notes:

Henry on "Trouble in Tahiti:"

Henry on "Black Snow:"

Goosebumps.

2009-10-30T10:05:00.003-05:00

I don't know what it is about Antony Gormley's work, but it always gives me the chills.

B. Iden Paynes!

2009-10-20T14:57:00.002-05:00

I won for my work on "Ophelia," which was kind of surprising as I thought *if* I won it would be for "Black Snow." And I wasn't expecting to win, really.

Congratulations to everyone but most especially to my friends and co-collaborators with TUTTO Theatre Company (Outstanding Production of a Drama for "Ophelia," Outstanding Director of a Drama for "Ophelia," (Dustin Wills), Outstanding Production of a Comedy for "Black Snow," and Outstanding Set Design for "Black Snow," (Lisa Laratta)) and also Rubber Repertory (Outstanding Ensemble Performance for "Mister Z Loves Company" and Outstanding Theatrical Event for "Casket of Passing Fancy," which I didn't work on and seriously regret not getting to experience).

Full list of winners can be found here.

Currently I'm swamped (ha ha) in "Murder Ballad Murder Mystery," but I hope to have something to say on the process of that show as well as some thoughts on the wrap up of "Autumn Spectre" with Divergence Vocal Theater......sometime next week.

Aesthetics and Uncertainty

2009-09-23T12:03:00.005-05:00

I've worked with people in the past whose work would spontaneously take shape upon moving into a performance venue. No amount of meetings, planning, research, rehearsal, blocking would lead them to the same artistic product that being in the actual space and making it work would produce. I never thought I'd be one of those people - I am usually another type of person who plans out all meals a week in advance and creates ridiculous excel budget spreadsheets for herself. But working with Misha and Divergence Vocal Theater so far has been an exercise in being patient with myself and my apparent need to "make it work" next week in the space.

So many unknown factors come into play for this show. The space is a church, not a theatre. There is some lighting in the church but I don't know what / how much and we can't refocus it. I'm renting some stage lights, and I can get a general "plot" going for this but really, it will be a "these lights go HERE" kind of thing once we're in the space. The piece is song / dance / a little bit of spoken word, but without seeing it in person I can only get a rough sense of what it needs for lighting and video.

And of course there's the uncertainty involved in add me and video together.

This marks my fourth show designing not only lights but also projections. The first time - Rapunzel - I seriously edited in Final Cut Pro the way I play any type of fight game on the Playstation. I mashed the buttons until something cool happened. In a bizarre twist of fate that particular piece received some national attention and was invited to be performed in Prague. I had no idea what I was doing, but what I did worked for whatever reason. Maybe because I had no idea what I was doing?

I make a conscious effort when I'm doing new things to not try to hide the fact that I have no idea what I'm doing. Because of this I've half-adopted an aesthetic that's more "DIY," found footage-esque than clean and professional. That doesn't mean I won't one day need a more professional looking video design, but for now the projects I've been working on have allowed for this.

For Autumn Spectre I've been working on a number of short video pieces that will be worked into the performance. One piece in particular stands out to me - a girl in a white dress exploring a graveyard for four minutes or so. Austin actress Emily Tindall and my husband Travis came with me to the cemetery and just improvised from there. Later when I edited the video together to send to Misha, I said to Travis that he had done a great job of filming. He then watched what I had edited and said that I had used mainly footage taken unintentionally between "real" takes - like the camera swooping suddenly down to focus on the ground, or a random pan across a scene which allows us to glimpse Emily in passing before she's out of frame again. There's something almost more authentic to me in shots like those, though, as though that authenticity is lost by getting perfect images out of it. The imperfection implies another story that we're not told. (See previous entry on why I like to not have everything explained to me.)

The next big uncertainty with this video project will come on Monday when I arrive in Houston for the week. That's when we will take the actual performance Misha and company have created and see if the video actually works with any part of it. I have had ideas while editing these pieces, but theatre and design have both taught me that I need to be a little Buddhist about my work. As in unattached. For the piece above, I had listened to the music Misha sent to me several times and was flipping through images that really spoke to me until I found one of a face covered in twine. This picture meshed with a specific musical piece for me, and catalyzed the whole graveyard walk thing that we did (at one point in the video, Emily is seen with her head and face wrapped in jute). I edited the final piece with that song in mind, but the truth is that it might not work next week, and that's ok. Maybe a little scary, but ok. Maybe it will work with another song entirely. Maybe there's too little video, maybe there's too much, maybe it will distract. We won't know the answers to these questions until we actually see it and start playing with it in the church next week. It honestly makes the project more interesting and adventurous this way.

B. Iden Payne Nominations!

2009-09-21T16:02:00.002-05:00

Just a quick post to say - last week the B. Iden Payne Nominations were released and I received two for my work on Ophelia and Black Snow with Tutto Theatre Company. The B. Iden Paynes are annual awards for Austin theatre given by Austin Circle of Theatres. My collaborators Dustin Wills, Lisa Laratta, Kim H. Ngo and a whole bunch of actors were also nominated...between the two shows, Tutto garnered 13 nominations! This is especially exciting for me as it marks the first (and second) nominations my work has received in Austin circles.

Other nominated shows I worked on: Cambiare Productions' Orestes, including Best Production of a Drama, which hopefully means my husband will get to make some sort of speech as the producer / artistic director of Cambiare, and Rubber Repertory's Mister Z Loves Company!

Full list of nominations here.

Longer actual blog post on the process thus for for Autumn Spectre is on its way.

Everyone wears a mask...

2009-08-13T18:55:00.002-05:00

In the moments of my life where I have stuff to actually write about here, I don't have time to write it. My creative-thoughts-and-energies blog must make me look like I have the creativity of a toothbrush (most days we all feel like that anyway).

It looks like I'm going to be spending the next two months playing with shadow puppetry and LED's, dragging unsuspecting female friends of mine into the woods, tying them up and burying them in leaves and filming the whole thing, watching "True Blood" and figuring out how to build jars of fireflies (that are electric and not actually flies).

Wait. Do we actually have falling leaves in Austin?

OK, so I'll be de-leafing a few trees in the name of art.

Haunted.

2009-06-02T08:59:00.003-05:00

I just finished watching the entire four seasons of the re-imagined Battlestar Galactica. I didn't watch it at all while it was airing, so my experience and investment in its characters is probably different. BUT. I *loved* the ending. It was nearly perfect, if they hadn't had the silly robot montage and the "maybe this time will be different" preachiness.

I loved Kara. I loved her ending. I've read a lot from people who watched the show in the past week, and a lot of people really hate the way she was handled in the episode - simply vanishing, without explanation as to who / what / why she was. But I like being haunted. The lack of answers is what keeps me obsessed with something. These things keep me stuck forever on the work. Answers lead to closure, and some things are better without closure, forever circling through my brain, revisiting the emotions I was feeling at the time I first experienced it.

Other hauntings of mine:

1. Many, many Haruki Murakami books - but most specifically Sputnik Sweetheart. I will never, ever be free of the Sumire disappearance or the ferris wheel.

2. Picnic at Hanging Rock (the movie) - I love the idea of places that are so wild that they consume any one trying to make some sort of order within them. Australia is full of this. I don't want to think (or know) that some actual human being caused the disappearance of those girls. The idea that they took off their Victorian-era clothing piece by piece before vanishing entirely is much more interesting.

3. Speaking in Tongues (the play) - see above, basically the same thing, reinforced by looping coincidental interactions throughout the play, which make you wonder how strong a role that guy you passed on the street this morning will have in your life later on. We don't cross paths with hundreds of people, we cross paths with a few people hundreds of times.

4. Lost, season 3 finale - I just said to Toine that I wish the series had ended there. Last shot on the island - Jack finally making that call to the freighter and getting through, followed by last shot off island, Jack screaming that they had to go back. The specifics of what took place between those two points in time aren't interesting to me. The *feeling* that's created by them is what I want to explore.

5. That one, unanswered scene in Time Traveler's Wife.

6. Poland's Scenofest exhibit at PQ 07. I walked through this exhibit over and over and over again.

Make me a day, make me whole again

2009-02-02T18:54:00.002-06:00

Two things today prompted this post.

1. Recent flash mob at Whole Foods in Austin. Well actually, the comments under the youtube video prompted me more than the flash mob itself. I always get sucked in to reading comments on sites like this (imdb or aicn would be the other main ones) and it always gets me riled up. As though I had never come into contact with the vast quantity of dumb people posting stuff on the internet. I'm about to make a bunch of assumptions about one of the posters, and I just want to say, this isn't actually about that poster. It's about people and their reactions to what other people call "art." I've heard that cynicism before, that something, whatever it is, that people are calling "art" is not art - and an awful lot of the times that I hear that complaint it's coming from someone who doesn't do anything they themselves would call art. I wonder how many people spend their time and energy tearing down the strange things that people around them are doing instead of doing something creative themselves. This destructive cynicism probably comes more from a place of fear - a lack of confidence in what one can actually create. If I think of it in that way, it actually doesn't make me angry anymore.

2. Thing the second: a guy riding down Dean Keeton on a bicycle. No wait, not a normal bike - this kind of bike. As I crossed the street I passed three people who were watching him, and I heard one of them say "why would you do something like that?" I really wanted to turn to him and say, why WOULDN'T you? (Because cynical dumb people will say things about you.) (Oh and also - because I don't want to break my neck. That's the only thing that will come out of *me* riding that bike.) But seriously - why wouldn't you?

In my head this is now coming back to my courage / stupidity thing - that a lack of fear (sometimes thought of as courage) and stupidity are the same thing. They both require a lack of self-preservation instinct. If I was afraid (enough) of what would happen to me (physically, mentally, socially) I wouldn't have done most of the things that have made my life fun and interesting. On some level I do care, but I usually manage to force myself past that, at least enough to do the thing, if not enough to stop caring. I am honestly far too socially stupid to NOT do what I want to do. I don't do one thing I'm afraid of every day - I do ten or twenty. The shows I work on scare the crap out of me, the people I work with, the job I'm in training for right now, the possibilities of future travel, installations, performance, teaching, creation, relationships I need to pursue, things I have to or will eventually have to admit to myself, people I will someday lose, people I will someday become and then someday cease to be. I'm actually pretty damn grateful I'm too stupid to not do these things - any one of them makes life far more interesting than standing in a crosswalk, deriding someone else's attempt to do what probably scares them.

Happy 2009!

2009-01-01T13:36:00.002-06:00

20 things that inspired me in 2008 and 3 resolutions for 2009:

1. Synecdoche, NY. I can't even fully explain the affect this movie / experience had on me. I left the theatre sobbing, wanting to embrace life wholeheartedly, create anything that was true to myself and never look at another human being as a bit player in my own life.

2. Cloud Atlas. I've been delving an awful lot into postmodern literature in the past couple of years, and a lot of it is silly and pretentious. This one is not, it's beautiful.

3. Anne Sexton. Specifically, "Rapunzel," since it was that poem which launched "Transformations."

4. Noe Venable's song "Eurydice." Sometimes I discover songs in I-tunes that I had forgotten completely. When I found this one again this year, I listened over and over and over, trying to mentally build it into the Eurydice project.

5. Terami Hirsch's album "A Broke Machine." I didn't like it at first. It was weird and foreign and not comfortable. Thankfully, I figured out that I was wrong and now I love it. Plus, getting to meet Terami this year when she came to Austin to perform was a lot of fun.

6. The Frames' song "Fitzcarraldo." Glen Hansard is really good at ripping my heart out while he sings. This song has an epicness to it that leaves me drained afterwards.

7. The Hyde Park neighborhood with the homemade Obama signs. Everytime I drove through it, I had such an overwhelming feeling of having been part of something so tremendous. And I can find zero photographic evidence of this on the web.

8. Watchmen. I had read this a couple years ago, but this year I re-read it in light of the trailer and upcoming movie, about which I am obsessed.

9. The Nields' song "One Hundred Names." Because it was our first dance, and I remember exactly how it felt in that moment to hear this music.

10. The People of Paper. Gabriel Garcia Marquez + (Mark Z. Danielewski - lots of editing)

11. Second Life. Lots of unexplored artistic possibilities.

12. What I Loved. Life and art.

13. Keith Olbermann's Prop 8 Commentary. Because he's right, and you don't have a valid come back.

14. Jason DeCaires Taylor. Anyone whose work fits in with my drowned world / end of the world obsession is ok by me. His undersea sculptures are incredibly haunting.

15. Telemegaphone Dale. Another reason why I love Norway.

16. The Beijing Olympics opening ceremonies. How many media servers does it take to fill an Olympic stadium? And no, that small thing isn't the LED floor - the BIG thing that small thing is on is the LED floor.

17. Barack Obama. I was in the middle of the most surreal tech week ever, looking all over Austin for "big bulky flashlights that were silver or black" when it was announced that McCain had conceded. In spite of Ophelia-exhaustion on the part of everyone, the energy within the group of theatre artists that night was awesome.

18. Louis CK. Specifically because, in light of recent events, "can't I just be STUPID??"

19. Jay Long. His paintings/collages (which I saw at the Armadillo Christmas Bazaar) are amazing and one may just eventually find its way into my living room.

20. Etsy.com. I am wasting hours of my life searching for beautiful, unique hand made things to give people I love.

* * *

1. I resolve, once again, to get healthier in 2009. This year I kicked ass at this goal, then lost some momentum, but will be back on the treadmill and healthy diet in 2009.

2. I resolve, again, to continue my journey into a more frugal & voluntary simplistic way of life.

3. I resolve to get my butt moving on Omission.

Note about Regenerate

2008-12-13T09:05:00.002-06:00

We're in the home stretch with "Regenerate." If you're in Austin on New Year's Eve, come check us out at Triangle Island just north of the 1st St. bridge. We'll be building the installation starting at 3pm and the more people that show up to add their hope and uplifting energy to the piece, the greater its chance of impact will be.

If you're not in Austin you can still participate! Head to regenerate2009.com for more information and the chance to submit your own "butterfly prayer" to us online. All prayers received through the website will also be worked into the installation, and hopefully we'll be getting them from all over the world.

Please pass word of this project on to your friends and family. Let's make this project as magical, huge, and far-reaching as it can possibly be!

101 Things I am Thankful For (in stream of consciousness order)

2008-11-27T07:36:00.004-06:00

(This was supposed to be posted on Thanksgiving...)

1. My family and friends, especially the ones I fail to mention in the coming list.
2. Travis & another year we've been able to spend together (in this one we got married!).
3. Everybody involved in the creation of our wedding.
4. Our wedding, which kicked more ass than any wedding in history.
5. cafepress.com - for selling LOST bumper stickers
6. Glen Hansard, The Frames, and the song "Fitzcarraldo"
7. PJ Harvey's "White Chalk"
8. Discovering Noe Venable's "Eurydice"
9. The way I-tunes lets you rediscover music you forgot you ever added to your library
10. Sansa and her new-found need to sit on my lap when no one is around to accuse her of liking a person
11. David Mitchell's Cloud Atlas
12. Certain former professors who have unending senses of humor that apparently cover drunken middle of the night bachelor party phone calls
13. The fact that my friends and family listened to my request for a low-key, small bachelorette party
14. Costa Rica. So beautiful and so filled with monkeys.
15. The Alamo Drafthouse, without which I probably would never have seen "Repo! The Genetic Opera"
16. Everyone who has tipped us off on our search for a new apartment
17. My job. Seriously. My job kicks ass.
18. Ophelia - even the crazy ridiculous part - because it was one of my top five shows and theatre-experiences ever.
19. Friends who are, at least for now, interested in creating a thriving, local art scene.
20. Riding that fine line between stupidity and bravery, which allows me to try dumb things that I should be scared of but which also add adventure to my life
21. Cross my fingers, knock on wood, but feeling possibly happy for once
22. The internet and how it continues to revolutionize art and communications
23. First Night Austin
24. Twigs and branches
25. Sarah Mosher, for committing to a shared vision in Transformations & creating original work with me
26. Dr. Desimone, for a thorough ass-kicking that was sorely needed and which has also made me a better designer, artist, and person
27. Christmas with Travis in Austin - we're taking a trip home this year, but the best part is still the part we spend together here
28. All of the people out there who voted for a new day (I still can't believe we did it)
29. Hilary Clinton, for making the world that much better for women and girls
30. The Onion, for the headline (relating to Barack Obama): "Black Man Asks Nation For Change"
31. The news site that posted the headline "Man Cuts Calories, Loses Weight"
32. The color green.
33. Smoothies - for keeping my need to eat stuff in the morning healthy
34. Facebook. I don't actually know how I went this long without it
35. The always underestimated value of not having a freezing cold Thanksgiving and Christmas
36. The fact that UT gives us TWO WEEKS OFF in December!
37. David Bowie
38. The really smart people at ABC who allowed LOST to set its own end date, thereby allowing for great storytelling without bullshit
39. Second Life, for providing a playground for new ideas (now for the follow-through)
40. The intelligence to want to live debt-free
41. Travis and Will, for believing in me enough to let me have a venue for design-driven performance art
42. Terami Hirsch, for her amazingly generous contributions to Transformations
43. Everyone else involved in Transformations - thank you so much for bringing this piece to life
44. Esopus magazine. Someday soon I will be able to afford a subscription again
45. "Synechdoche, NY" - not a movie, an experience.
46. Christmas Cooke scented Yankee candles.
47. Christmas trees.
48. Relpax.
49. Books. All of them.
50. Dreaming of the bookshelves we will have in our new apartment.
51. The alphabet, for providing an order in which to put those books.
52. My job. I don't even know how to explain how cool my job is.
53. Tutto Theatre Company, Lisa, Daniel, Matt, Dustin, and Kim.
54. Being healthy.
55. Wacom tablets.
56. My grandmother.
57. The experience of getting the tattoos; the bravery / stupidity that allowed me to get them.
58. Sarah and Maura.
59. Andy Goldsworthy.
60. "Here Comes the Flood."
61. Feminism.
62. Having a savings account with actual dollars in it.
63. Indian food.
64. Double chocolate white chocolate chip cookies.
65. Birthdays. Everyone's.
66. Thanksgiving with friends and family.
67. Google widgets that count down to things like Lost season 5, Watchmen opening, or Bush's last day.
68. The fact that we are very close to Bush's last day.
69. My Palm TX.
70. Planning to travel.
71. Living in a world where the site formerly known as MightyBigTV.com can have actual commercials. Wasn't it just yesterday we were reading Mighty Big?
72. Learning programming and coding.
73. Lynn and her fantastic massages.
74. Finding a local business that will print my portfolio for less than half the price as Kinko's, and twice the quality.
75. Discovering etsy.com.
76. Living passionately.
77. Small theatres whose lights all work most of the time.
78. sparkpeople.com - better dieting through OCD.
79. Finding really old friends online.
80. "The Summer Storm Journals."
81. Working on the 13th floor of UT's tower.
82. Dreyer's French Silk ice cream.
83. Dark chocolate + Milky Way
84. Stores in the mall that don't play techno / pop / crappy versions of Christmas songs.
85. 37th Street.
86. Yoga.
87. Halasana.
88. Gift cards - they give me an excuse to buy fun things.
89. Ecology Action.
90. Henry, who is right now sitting up against my hip, my arm is around him while I type.
91. Google Analytics, for showing me that someone in Saudi Arabia read my blog last month.
92. The treadmill at our apartment complex, when it's repaired.
93. Keith Olbermann.
94. Almost being done with this list, which means I can read Connie Willis's "Passage" soon.
95. Being constantly reminded that there's a show called "The Starter Wife."
96. Loving life.
97. "Everyone is Unique" pajamas.
98. Miralax.
99. Hen of the woods mushrooms.
100. LOLcats.
101. Home.

Time flies.

2008-11-26T21:03:00.002-06:00

...and then it was Thanksgiving. I'll try to do my Thanksgiving post tomorrow.

As well as catching up on various things. In the meantime I'm working on "Regenerate:"

Henry, as you can see, is helping.

There is a willow....

2008-11-11T05:41:00.003-06:00

I haven't had the opportunity yet to take good photos of Ophelia, but I did manage to get a few from the light booth the other night. This is one of the few that's not so blurry it's an advertisement for a tripod, and it shows off Lisa's floor painting beautifully.

I love Keith Olbermann

2008-11-11T05:31:00.001-06:00

Five things.

2008-10-27T18:01:00.005-05:00

1. I, like most people attempting to be creative, spend an inordinate amount of time and energy tearing myself to pieces. Last night a colleague of mine paid me one of the highest compliments I think I have ever been paid. And so I've been granted a one day vacation from making myself feel like shit.

2. Regenerate is going to be really awesome (provided Renee and I can actually find the time to do all the constructing we need to do). There's also going to be an interactive web component to the installation, so you don't have to be in Austin to be able to participate. Since it probably hasn't been described before in this blog, the installation will be at the "triangle island" on the north side of the 1st street bridge on New Year's Eve. We will be hanging really beautiful twig mobiles from the trees on the "island," and adding butterflies cut out of corn husks to the mobiles. Each of the butterflies will have a prayer / positive thought / resolution about protecting our environment. Anyone is welcome to stop by to add a butterfly to the installation. And soon(ish) if you're outside of Austin we'll have a way for you to add your prayers to the piece. It would be pretty amazing if we could have participants from all over the world adding their voices to the Austin installation.

3. Ophelia is quickly moving forward into tech week. This week I finally get to see a run through and I'm really excited to see this show take shape.

4. Last week I started a new (day) job - I'm now an Information Analyst Trainee at UT Austin. Which means I get paid to learn how to code. It's like being paid to play computer games all day long. I've been frustrated but overall am having a really fun time. I think this job could really tie in with my artistic pursuits as well, so I'm going to see where this takes me.

5. Vote for Obama.

Variations (what's on my mind right now)

2008-10-18T09:45:00.006-05:00

1.

Another Place (Stavanger), Antony Gormley

2.
We'll walk to hawaii
A final sunset on the waves
The perfect girl the perfect place
To watch the world go down in flames
Wouldn't that be a shame
So let it go

Lead me to the edge don't stop
Beauty always had a cost
And as the air slips from our lungs
Well sing songs of love
Oh love, oh love...

3.

Vicissitudes, Jason DeCaires Taylor

4.

5.
When the flood calls,
You have no home, you have no walls
In the thunder crash
You're a thousand minds, within a flash
Don't be afraid to cry at what you see
The actors gone, theres only you and me
And if we break before the dawn, they'll use up what we used to be.

Lord, here comes the flood
Well say goodbye to flesh and blood
If again, the seas are silent
In any still alive
It'll be those who gave their island to survive
Drink up, dreamers, you're running dry.
- Peter Gabriel (go here & scroll down to see his thoughts on the meaning of this song)

* * *

(6. I need to make one of these to keep Sansa out of the bathroom cabinets.)

I've never seen the light, but I sure have seen god.

2008-09-30T19:31:00.003-05:00

OK. I have always had a bizarre love affair with Norway.

But seriously:

Telemegaphone Dale.

If that is not proof that the internet has officially broken art, I don't know what is. It's a 7 meter tall sculpture that sits on Bergskletten Mountain in Dale, Norway, and you can CALL IT ON YOUR TELEPHONE, and it will broadcast your voice over the fjord and nearby town.

So you may be asking, as Chris just did - W. T. F.? What on earth can you do with that?

What CAN'T you do with that? Bora Yoon gave the first ever Telemegaphone Concert at the opening ceremonies!

If I could I would call it right now and tell all of Norway how I've been in love with their country since I was 13.

But I can't, because they've closed it for deer hunting season.

Things like this continually blow my mind. I just discovered 253, a novel by Geoff Ryman, written in 1996. On the internet. Which reminds me of Heath Bunting's Kings X Net Art project from 1994. Why oh why was I not on the internet in 1994??

In 2001 I was part of Cloudmakers, a group of people much, much smarter than me who solved the first Alternate Reality Game. Today Travis sent me to what will probably be my newest addiction / obsession: The Superstruct Game.

The internet has given us the capability of creating art in ways we couldn't before, ways we really didn't conceive of, and every day that I discover something new that someone is creating online, I am truly excited for all the art that I have yet to see.

Shiny Pretty Things #1

2008-09-05T19:43:00.003-05:00

I am in awe of Blu and the short film "Muto." There are seriously no words for this amazing piece of animation/performance.

Also, Blu Blog. The first set of photos, taken of a painting in Prague, are of a building that was one block from the apartment that Sarah, Christina, Jen and I stayed in when we were there last year. I had kind of wished I'd gotten a photo of that building with its graffiti - like in "Praha 1." We were too amused by the Kafka Peeing Statues to focus on what was truly important.

I dreamed I saw a silver spaceship flying in the yellow haze of the sun...

2008-08-18T16:20:00.002-05:00

Right now I'm halfway through Kazuo Ishiguro's The Unconsoled. It's hard. It's complete stream-of-consciousness dream logic - the main character will be in one place, bump into someone he knew from his childhood, get sidetracked by that person into driving fifty billion miles into the country to some remote place where he'll meet six other people he knew from past experiences, have a conversation with them completely unrelated to whatever he was just doing, then walk through a door in a building and be back in the same room he started in. It's exhausting to read, honestly, because after 250+ pages of this kind of storytelling it hasn't let up and hasn't offered any sort of explanation for why it's doing whatever it's doing. It's one thing to read 50 or 100 pages of a story told that way - it's another to get halfway through a book that's over 500 pages long and feel like the next half is going to be exactly the same. Sigh.

As it turns out the HEB near our apartment is doing some kind of 17-month-long renovation-from-hell thing. And so grocery shopping? Is exactly like being stuck in The Unconsoled. The shelves are rearranged on a daily basis adhering only to someone's twisted "dream logic" of how things should be. The aisles are crammed full of shoppers in a daze, frantically trying to figure out what they're looking for, where they are, who they are, and what day it is. It's total chaos. And of course it doesn't matter if you go in one day and figure out where the tea and coffee are - the next day, they will have moved to another section entirely. And this is exactly why I left the grocery store on Saturday without tea or coffee: I do my grocery shopping by going up and down each aisle and grabbing things I need as I go. I keep a list, but there's always something (like tea or coffee) that inadvertently gets left off, so driving my cart down the aisle will usually remind me that I need to get whatever it is. Except when they freaking move the aisle. I left without tea or coffee because I never went past the tea or coffee. So a second trip to HEB was necessary, and this time I just walked right up to someone and asked for help. Turns out the coffee had been split into two aisles, one where the makeup used to be and one in the middle of the store, and the tea had been moved to where the old photo booth used to be (say that with a Maine accent). Because that's where tea lives in MY dream logic.

Lines that I don't recognize

2008-08-13T10:52:00.003-05:00

Last night I met Ddyte Darkstone in Second Life for an introduction to "building things." This generally for me consists of me making a cube and trying to make it NOT disappear right away or wear it on my head. He has a dance club he runs in SL and is allowing me to use its rooftop to experiment with building things. We didn't really do much - ran through creating objects ("prims") and adding textures to them, linking two prims together to make a more complex object, and a little bit of playing with lights - but it was honestly a lot more intuitive than I had thought it would be and I'm excited to start getting ideas of what this world will look like so that I can begin trying to make it a virtual reality.

I geeked out over the lighting part. He showed me how to create an object and make it into a light source, and I got to play with changing the color and intensity of that light. Once I could see the reflection of that light on my avatar as she walked through it, I was giddy. It reminds me a lot of playing Riven in 1998, and I was so drawn to the way certain scenes from the game were lit by small lights along a path or within a cave - I could get a similar effect here and really create an environment in the same way lighting on stage creates the environment for a play. Which is, you know, the point. It was cool.

So I think my next step is to work toward creating a framework for the performance, and I'm still thinking along Eurydice lines. Once I have a more solid idea of what that framework looks like I can begin researching and sketching how I want the two worlds to look (both real and virtual) and then see what I can make happen in Second Life.

I know a country, wild canyons and seas, red roots wave in the fissures so wild the space between my love and me

2008-08-10T10:57:00.007-05:00

Five things:

1. Trash Anthems: postponed. Sad for me, but happy for the director, who has an upcoming Broadway gig he's going to focus on. I think I'm still going to manage to make it to Ft. Worth in October anyway, just for a day, so hopefully I'll still get to the museums.

1.5 Mary Todd: also postponed. The energy, creative team and resources that were going into this are now being funneled into Ophelia.

2. Ophelia: I'm designing this for Tutto Theatre Company, directed by Dustin Wills, to be produced in November. It's going to be gorgeous. Lisa Laratta, a colleague and friend of mine from grad school, is designing the set and I honestly am so excited to see what she comes up with. The entire stage is going to be a huge palette for me to paint on. And I think this marks the first time I'm honestly excited at the thought of lighting a white set.

3. The Eurydice Variations: This is a long term project I've been tossing around for awhile now. I want to experiment with using Second Life / virtual worlds in live performance - not as something pre-recorded but as something that is being streamed live, so that the performance happens in two different worlds simultaneously, and the performers can interact across that divide. I met with Dr. Leslie Jarmon this past week and her enthusiasm for virtual worlds and what artists can do with them is infectious. I'm starting to assemble collaborators for this and the title is VERY tentative (up until now it's just been sort of code named "Ypsilanti," but I am really drawn to the idea of telling the Orpheus and Eurydice myth in this way). With Trash Anthems being postponed I now have a big hole in my schedule for the fall, so my intention is to really push forward with this idea now. I think we're probably about a year out from actually producing and performing this, but that gives us plenty of time to really get it right, and figure out what the hell we're doing anyway. During our meeting Leslie pointed out that no one really knows how to use this technology, and it's something that sort of evolves as artists try to use it. I imagine that as I get into SL more and more, I'll see what I can and can't do with it and most likely the end result will look absolutely nothing like what I described just now

4. The opening ceremonies in Beijing were STUNNING. I can't find photos that really do it justice, but one of my favorite parts involved about 5000+ drummers playing on drums that lit up from the inside as they were struck.

Later in the ceremony Peter Gabriel wanted his ideas back:

I remember when I was younger making fun of the really performance-artsy aspect to the opening ceremonies - I honestly don't think that any Olympic event in the next two weeks can top that for me now. It's funny to me that I used to think the artistry of the opening ceremonies was silly, and now I scour the internet for photos to use as future research and inspiration.

5. Very possible next trip: Glacier National Park.

At midnight, all the agents and superhuman crew, go out and round up everyone who knows more than they do.

2008-07-25T19:20:00.004-05:00

It is AMAZING the things that can render me completely depressed:

- any thoughts of global warming
- reading that Scooter Libby was pardoned
- the season finale of House
- reading The Time Traveler's Wife

But it's not one of those things right now that's got me down. No...that would be seeing the condos that took the place of ManRay. Sigh.

As luck would have it the universe sent me a cure for all depression last week, in the form of the Watchmen trailer. The Dark Knight was also good.

I think one of the things I have going for me as far as potentially liking this adaptation is that I'm *not* a comic book geek. I didn't grow up on them. I've read a grand total of 4.2 (that would be Watchmen, V For Vendetta, the Maus books, and two of the Sandman volumes). I have one friend in particular who loves the book, but DOES NOT BELIEVE that the movie will be good on any level. I just like the story. I mean, it's a REALLY good story.

Oh, also - another thing that makes me profoundly depressed: reading internet discussion boards (like imdb's or Ain't it Cool's). Because no one stops to think that there might be actual thought going on behind the decision to alter the costume design from what was originally in the graphic novel.

OK, but here's where I am a TOTAL geek. The Watchmen film has kept a production diary online, with a couple of videos on the film's set and costume design:

Watch them build the sets and age them and paint layers of graffiti and stuff!
Stare in wonder at the warehouses full of costumes from all periods, and the research images they've collected to inspire the design!

There are others, too, including one on the process of setting someone on fire.

Back to re-reading.

(8/5/08 ETA: Since the posting of this entry I have since been informed of four more graphic novels I have read - the entire Spider Garden series by Michael Manning. This will surprise approximately no one.)

What's in your day that no other day has seen before?

2008-07-11T09:15:00.003-05:00

Last night I dreamt that Travis and I kayaked from Kirkenes to Svalbard. Hey, guess what - it was really cold. Crossing the ocean between the two was awful, and difficult, and miserable, and full of ice and all sorts of not fun weather, as well as polar bears and birds diving down at us. But the destination somehow made it worth it - Svalbard was not the cold and miserable place that the ocean between it and mainland Norway was, except for the fact that we dreaded leaving because we'd have to take that journey again.

I would bet you any amount of money that right now Travis is breaking out into a cold sweat at the thought of me dragging him off to Norway. It's the number one next place I want to go, and he knows I want to cruise the coast line up to Tromso or possibly Kirkenes on the Norwegian Coastal Voyage. And one of the concerns he has voiced about taking this trip is that being around me when I'm cold is decidedly not fun. If we were to, you know, KAYAK the coastline (especially in WINTER) I would probably say he's right and it would not be fun. But staying on a cruise ship probably wouldn't put us right in the middle of arctic weather as much. Plus, I'm smart enough to not want to go there in the wintertime, not this particular trip anyway.

And then I found this, which just sounds so cool. Sounds like my dream come true.

Odd. And also, update.

2008-07-10T07:06:00.003-05:00

I have one of those apps on my facebook profile that tells people which parts of the world I've been to. I swear to you that until today it said "Megan has been to 11% of the world." But today it says "Megan has been to 12% of the world." Seeing as I went nowhere special last night, can someone explain to me what happened to the geography of our planet in the last 24 hours?

Update:

1. The First Night project might have a name, a shape, and a direction. What is needed from me right now is the time to actually sit down and work on the application and model or drawings. This is actually a problem across the board with my artistic pursuits right now. I'm thinking of reinstating some sort of time frame in which I only work on my projects, and don't check email, play Scrabble with Travis, read or watch TV.

2. Another possible show in October, one I will be so excited to work on. More later, if the news is good. Also possibly an installation to light in February.

3. Omission - between now and Christmas (we *might* be headed back to NH this year for a few days during Christmas) I need to sort this all out, so that when I'm in NH I can work on the interviews. I've let two NH trips go by without one shred of work being done on this project

I'm lost in the pattern, and the pattern is lost in me

2008-07-08T19:33:00.004-05:00

So back in the days of living in San Francisco (basically those years covering 2000-2004, mostly) I couldn't read. Not as in I was unable to decipher letters on a page, but I had zero attention span. I still believe this is because I was working my first post-college job, as a receptionist at the Pacific Stock Exchange, and the job really didn't involve a whole lot of...work...so for eight hours a day I was on the internet, doing really useful things like playing on Neopets. I swear it ruined my attention span and I only remember reading a handful of books back then (most of which were Robert Jordan's Wheel of Time series, which probably also had a hand in turning me off from reading).

In 2005 I put reading in a context my OCD brain could understand - I started counting the books I read, with the goal of reading 50 in that year. Then, even better, in 2006 I found the book 1001 Books You Must Read Before You Die in a bookstore - and I found my life's calling.

My attention span issue has since been cured and I read all the time now. I don't just read the books on that list of 1001, I read pretty much anything. And I let books I have read off that list influence what other ones I read.

Back in 2001 I picked up a copy of John Fowles's A Maggot at Cody's in Berkeley. I had read The Magus and The Collector a few years before and loved them. But I couldn't get into A Maggot. Blah historical novel. Well, that and John Herman ruining it for me - I don't think I was 20 pages in when he said "Oh I thought it was totally obvious that..." Thanks, John. Anyway, I've picked that book up again because it's on the 1001 list - which means I have to read it - and total proof that my four year case of ADD is gone - I'm 1/3 of the way through and still reading and enjoying.

Even though I know the twist ending.

(By the way, no matter how many books by Faulkner are on that list, I'm not reading a single one.)

Waves of steel hurled metal at the sky.

2008-07-05T09:01:00.002-05:00

Anyone reading this who knows me will probably think I've gone completely insane, but I have set a new goal for myself this week: I will get myself down to one tank of gas in my car per month. If you know me, you're probably familiar with my extremely pessimistic view of our world and where humanity is headed; this is important to me. I can't hold these beliefs and speak about them while contributing so unnecessarily to the problem. Right now I'm at about two fill ups per month, so it's going to be basically a 50% cut in how much driving I do.

For those keeping score at home, these are my current goals (at least I think this is all of them):

1. Use one tank of gas per month.
2. By the end of August, begin learning CSS.
3. This year, produce one work of art that is not theatre.
4. This fall, approach researchers at UT about Second Life project & begin designing within Second Life.
5. By the end of 2009, design one show in any state other than Texas or New Hampshire.
6. Get my weight down to 135 lbs.

I also need to learn how to knit and learn Spanish...actually Spanish is a priority but I just have not worked up the motivation to begin yet. Our trip to Costa Rica really opened my eyes at how necessary it is to know this language to travel.

And of course, all of these goals are working goals, meaning that I'm not magically going to suddenly start using only one tank of gas per month tomorrow and I'm not going to wake up tomorrow 15 lbs lighter and surviving on 1200 calories per day.

It's not the altitude that takes my breath away

2008-06-24T09:48:00.003-05:00

I am now a married woman!

Our wedding went absolutely beautifully. So many of our friends and family contributed to this "show," and when I think about all of the people who put a part of themselves into our day I want to cry, in a good way.

Chris Keating kicked serious ass as the REV. Chris Keating. He's been a friend of ours for a long time, and got ordained as a minister in order to perform our ceremony.

My dress was built by two different people in two different states - Sarah Mosher and Maura Suter, who didn't meet until the final fitting when they went nuts over how the seams of the corset (built by Sarah) and skirt (built by Maura) matched perfectly. This is actually the story of how the entire day went. Serendipitously perfectly.

Photos of the wedding, reception, honeymoon, and various other celebrations that took place can be seen here, and more will be added in the coming days. Lapa Rios in Costa Rica was the best honeymoon we could have ever chosen.

Suppose that you could save me some way, but I told you baby not to bother?

2008-06-06T08:31:00.003-05:00

It's basically confirmed - in October I'll be heading to Ft. Worth for a week to light Trash Anthems with Firestarter Productions.

Which means that I will hopefully also be seeing this.
And this.
Maybe this.
Hopefully this. They have a couple of Antony Gormley works, a Richard Serra piece, and a James Turrell skyspace.

I'm also really excited to be working with this group of artists. They are friends of friends, and I've heard great things about their work. It will be a ton of fun.

Between the wanting and the being everything, everything is so much lovelier contained

2008-05-25T09:39:00.003-05:00

On Wednesday Terami Hirsch performed at Austin Java to a small but very appreciative group of people. I was very fortunate to be able to meet her and chat briefly before and after the show. Terami had contributed original music to our show Transformations back in February, and so four of the people involved in that show came to see her perform. In between her set and the opening performer, Jennifer Grassman (who was also very good), we sat and talked with Jennifer and her husband while waiting for Terami to begin. Austin Java's performance space is a small stage outside under an overhang, and Wednesday was borderline-stormy so lots of dark skies, thunder, and wind ripping through the small space. Terami was fantastic, and in case you don't believe me Travis posted a video of her performing "What I Didn't See," and in the middle of sitting in one of my favorite places to eat in Austin, with the storm looming over us, talking with really cool people and new friends, it was one of those times when life just seems so perfect and I can't imagine why I would want my life any other way than how it is. Except, of course, I would like to be designing full time. Except for that.

In three weeks we get married. I think this is supposed to be the part where I freak out, but I have not really had much of a need to freak out for this entire process. I really am excited, and nervous, and anxious that nobody will have a good time (because that's the typical thought process in my head) but no part of this has really made me worried. My dress isn't finished and I'm totally fine with that. We video-chatted yesterday with Keating, who is performing our ceremony, and I think he's more nervous than either of us. The only really bad thing that is stressing me out right now is that my new shoes (Chacos) gave me blisters yesterday on a walk from home to the coffee shop down the street, and so that doesn't bode well for the hiking we're doing in Costa Rica. They weren't kidding at REI when they told me these were shoes that required gradual breaking in. Also, I think I need to figure out a way to incorporate pumice stone into the soles of my shoes. I have the world's worst calluses and they actually literally shred through the bottoms & sides of my shoes.

Renee and I have pushed our First Night brainstorming to post-wedding, giving her more breathing space for the upcoming KDH show. Mary Todd continues to move forward and evolve. And it looks like I'll be designing in Ft. Worth this October, lighting Trash Anthems for Firestarter Productions.

I've been thinking flowers, maybe daisies, might relieve the gloom

2008-05-07T21:07:00.004-05:00

1. Today I became convinced that I am involved in the weirdest project ever created (that would be the Mary Todd project). I love it, it's fascinating, but still, weird as hell. And it's making me watch Quay brothers films. Not because the project has anything to do with them, but because that's where it's sending my mind.

2. Ideas for the possible First Night installation are starting to form and Renee and I meet next weekend to talk about it. I have another installation that I want to start, but it will take a year of collecting plastic bags before I can really work on it, and where am I supposed to put those in the meantime? Our apartment is small. "Omission" is slowly moving a few steps forward.

3. I think the new Portishead album is probably the best thing to happen to me this week. I didn't think so at first because I was listening to it in my OCD way of listening to music on I-tunes (in the "not yet rated" playlist, I play all the songs alphabetically and rate them as I listen - this is not the best way to listen to Portishead). Once I stopped doing that and listened to the whole album, beginning to end, I remembered why I like them. In other news...I still don't like Bjork.

4. I need to sit down and start working on my bridesmaids' gifts. Because if I don't, it's going to end up like Chrissie & Drew's wedding present...three months of oh-no-I'll-make-that-later, followed by buying something off their registry.

5. 23 hours and 11 minutes until LOST.